Well fuck.. this blog is dead, I think.

It's been a month. A whole month! Well, minus almost 10 hours but that's quite a long time to go without posting, for me. Just haven't been, I dunno, in the frame of mind.

A month ago I was busy, I was working, getting used to the new swing of things, braving the heat out on the street, but things were pretty positive. I think it's about a day after I last wrote that things began to edge downhill. Maybe 3 days I dunno, but well.. I don't want to whine but.

I still think I'm pretty good at it, tour guiding that is. In fact, I know I'm at least good to fucking great depending on the day, usually somewhere in between, but the powers that be don't seem to think so, at least I think they don't think so, it's hard to tell, they don't tell us anything.

Just things, it started small, then I got over that but something else smallish came up, that turned out to be bigger, then something completely fucked up which for a while didn't seem to matter then the other thing came back and mattered eve more than I thought it had or well.. actually I don't know, there's something the matter but I really don't know exactly what and just how much.

So I don't know where I stand at the moment, it's stressful and does a number on my confidence which I don't have much of in the first place, and well.. I'm going to be honest here, I'm a wallower.. and hearing that I'm basically shit in one way or the other, both this job related and otherwise, again and again, when I'm just desperate to for once hear some good news... plunges me into the depths of.. well wallowing. I shouldn't do that, I know, it's unproductive, but, it's true I do that.

Oh I went to Slovakia for the first time, the other day. Been living here over 10 years and never been to Slovakia, can you believe that? Well I have now. To Bratislava. Just for one day, for a purpose, not mine, but finally the purpose was a good one, so we went together and made it a nice day.

I do have another audition today, I think. It might even be a callback from the last time I went to one that I thought I'd not been considered at, but I'm not sure. Not sure of anything. It's pretty much how things usually are for me, I don't even know what's happening in my own life. I should do something about that too.

I might write again soon, but I don't know.

Something to write home about.

I always have things to write about, really, even when I don't have anything to say, I say it anyway. I do actually have a few things to say now, though I've forgotten most of them. I've been more busy than usual, actually doing stuff, working mostly but that's not what has kept me from jotting down characters in this here blog in a somewhat organized manner.. I just haven't.. wanted to, I guess.

So, I'm now working. It's been a while but I'm back in the ranks of the employed. Well sorta.. I kind of work for myself in a technical way, though not in an actual way.. although I guess that counts as employed.

It's been a few weeks I've been doing tours for real life people and to be honest I think I'm pretty fucking good at it. Maybe not the best, maybe not fantastic at every aspect, maybe I can still improve by doing more, and adding things, and implementing new ideas but, I'm alright at this. It would be nice to know this certainly though, because there are moments, you know.

We had our hottest day here on record yesterday, well.. the hottest day for like, ages anyway, which of course had to happen once I'm employed doing 2 plus hour walking tours around the city center, and yes, I did have tours yesterday, not tour, tours, one after the other, and although it wasn't as bad as the worst it could have been, and I did get through them just fine, it was.. well too hot for that.

So that's what I'm doing. Last time I bothered to write I had some auditions, castings int he near future well guess what.. they came to nothing surprise surprise. Well a student film but by this point I'd like there to be something else out there for me. And if it is one of them then a proper major role at least.. and maybe playing someone under 50.. especially when they're not going to bother putting aging makeup and not even mention that it's strange I'm playing someone so old.. while making such a comment about the main actor in the movie... well.. don't want to dwell on that. *grumbles about it*

So.. things..

Things people. Real things.

They are coming up. Got a couple of auditions, well one that I should go on for experience and to get used to being slightly more professional.. or rather a bit closer to professional.. let's just say, edge just a little bit further away from entirely unprofessional.. anyway, hope that'll do at least ok that I don't look like a complete chump. There's a casting for film school movies which I sometimes get cast in, and sometimes I don't so. .I'll see.

Oh and I'm starting work finally. I've been "training" for this company for ages and next weekend I'm finally starting the tours so that's something that will definitely be happening even if the other two events this week don't lead to anything further.

Yeah, I haven't been writing. I have been doing things, a bit. Was an evil guard/ front of house er.. person for  a production of a play about a future dystopia.. sort of. Went to Karlovy Vary for the film festival.. saw a couple of films but mostly hung around the city, being cold because it was freezing that weekend despite the calendar and.. well just more meetings and practice and tests to get to this point where I'm actually on the schedule for doing a tour although I haven't doen one yet.

I might write again, soonish. Then again might not.

I want a hat.

A real nice one. A Fedora, whatever that actually is, or a Trilby, I like the sound of that. Maybe one of those lady hats that ladies wore back when ladies wore hats. No reason, just like hats. Oh and reasons, metaphorical ones.

I'm in a rut. Surprise surprise, I know, nothing to write home or indeed on a blog about but nevertheless, here I write. You may notice there has been little writing of late, this among other reasons, may be the reason. Maybe not.

It stopped raining. Not forever, and it actually rained this morning but it stopped raining endlessly, and there was a bit of sunshine. I probably shouldn't have written this, because you know, law of stuff.

That's all.

It just keeps on raining..

And it rains and it rains and it rains. It's been only 3 or 4 days now, of continuous rain that is, there's been rain on and off for, well since it stopped being freezing cold some time in March or April, not sure exactly when that long winter ended, we've got new things to whine about now.

It just rains and it rains and it rains. At first it's like, it's raining, we expect it to rain sometimes. It rains on a Saturday, again, and we get pissed off that it falls on the weekend. Then it rains a couple of days and you whine about it, but that's what it always does, it rains, it just does. Then it rains more and you start thinking, this is going on a bit long.. and it just keeps raining. You start worrying that it might cause more problems than you not being able to enjoy that barbecue or having generally unpleasant weather that puts you in a bad mood.. but.. they haven't said anything yet, about the f word, and really.. you think this every year there's a bit of a prolonged period of rain.. you're paranoid because you were here in 2002.. and then you say.. well that was like, a once in a 100 years thing, so, we're not due for that yet.. give it 89 years..

but, then you read about warnings, see articles about the floods and the final nail in the water coffin.. international articles where our humble little city is actually mentioned, because of flooding. It's official.

Hey.. another month!

It's June now. Still not working, still not ready to start for one reason or another, it's raining, still not doing any theatre and still haven't finished editing the one small very modest video we shot a few months ago and haven't gotten a chance to do the other shoot that's been on the agenda for months because it keeps raining on the weekend. I have some new videos, well one.. it's nothing, I just made it so I'd have at least one single upload for the month, and didn't manage to edit the other one yet (see above) because of an inability to use audio editing software, partly anyway.. and of course I didn't make, edit or do any all month otherwise... and I have another that's not really new, actually it's about a month old, the one I uploaded at the end of last month so I'd have something... but no one's looked at it yet so it's kinda new.

I mean, the whole point of setting myself the modest goal of uploading one fucking thing at least a month was to motivate me to make these videos, edit, upload and have a whole lot of material, get better and better at doing this stuff.. but, every month I manage to scrape through, quickly editing something or shooting something pointless just so I have one.. I'm going to have to set myself more difficult or specific goals, I think.. something I can easily fail at.. maybe I'd do better :). I don't know.. maybe I should stop worrying about any of this and just, get a job already.

I wish it would stop raining.

It just drags on..

still studying, still writing, still editing, sorta practicing.

I've been doing this on and off for over a year now.. ok so most of that time has been during "off" mode but still..

waiting for something, something I need to do this.. at least to finish..

I'll get there. I'll let you know when.

Things Actually Happen.

So.. I've been a bit quiet around here of late.. just got out of the habit of posting.. and what a week! There are at least like.. 3 things worth mentioning.. at least, 3 things that I feel worth mentioning. Well.. last post was a photo from a trip to Krakow, that was fun.. journey there and back, I shan't be doing again, the train, 8 hours, overnight.. in a regular seat. For small parts we got a whole side to ourselves each but.. didn't last long as people kept getting in, and out, and the train stopped at a certain shitty station in the middle of skuzzy Nowhereville Czech republic and actually turned around and went back twice.. both ways, and for ages.. will hold a grudge about that pointless shitty down forever Bohumin.. I mean.. who the fuck even knows where that is? So.. the being in Krakow was awesome.. apart from a bit of tiredness.. the weather was lovely, we stayed in a nice flat in an awesome area, saw stuff.. and found a lovely restaurant which we'll go back to when we go back to Krakow which we will but just not on the train or at least not on regular seats. Oh and beer.. we had beer. Had a couple of tests for my tour that I'm supposed to be doing but am not yet.. and a lot of studying.. in essence I failed both, but, it's more of a training process and I'm getting there but I was hoping to be working much earlier so, mildly vexing but overall ok. Most important thing is, they fucked Flickr! They made it all new and exciting and vibrant.. which obviously sucks, because it used to be calm and boring and fast loading and you could see the pictures and how many comments and views there were and you could arrange your photostream in 2 columns with the sets down the side so when you uploaded 2 shots or an even number of shot sa day you could make sure your sp from the 365 project was in the left column and.. well.. I'm old and cranky and don't like it.. damn those kids with their ipods and tablets and general modern stuff! I've been fuming about it.. well a bit, for the last 3 days and at some point I'll get used to it and either start using it less.. just forget it ever bothered me or eventually leave it all for Ipernity which is just like Flickr except it doesn't have massive big "thumbnails" taking up your screen and you can see the text and stuff.. ie, like it used to be.

Oh and our water was gone. All morning, had to go out all stinky cos not only couldn't I shower, I couldn't even have a proper "whore's bath" as it's known as colloquially.. cos.. no water obvs. It seems the goobers that have been working on our road for the past month knocked something.. it seems to be back now, though trickling down very thinly. It's always something it seems.