It could be worse.

It really could be. It could be thousands of times worse, millions even supposing it's possible to calculate it somehow. Let's just say it could be really really really worse. Almost everyone in the history of the world has had it sumfkins of times worse than I do. I just made up that word, sumpfkins, it means a number that could or could not be larger than.. well, let's just say, a lot. Anyway, point is, relatively speaking compared to people who have it particularly bad, and actually most people in the world who are quite poor and have it hard compared to anyone sitting in a flat on their computer on the internet and certainly most people throughout history (see earlier point about sumpfkins) I don't have it all that bad. Yeah, stuff sucks, and there are people who have it tons better than me, even sumpfkins, but really, my life. A piece of piss really. It doesn't really help all that much though. All it means is that this makes me a big fucking whiner who can't take a little difficulty compared to all those strong, hard working, brave people out there, and also, that it could be a whole lot fucking worse. And the stuff that sucks still sucks. It really really really sucks. Ok it really really sucks, maybe just really, but it definitely sucks.

Apologies for the last post..

or whatever that was. I promise I will never do it again. Never, ever, ever. And I don't have my fingers crossed behind my back as I'm typing this, honest. It just came out.. I was doing this responsible type sort of management job for my company because they were short staffed and I had to fill in even though it's not my job and it's the sort where you have to be responsible and stuff, and work, and get things done and fill things in and all that, and it sucks. And I was shit at it. I'd like to blame the boss because I wasn't really prepared properly and I will, it's her fault. I'm also useless at this but the manager should have been able to tell that. Anyway, that's all.

so yeah...

when you get someone to do something, even if you're absolutely desperate and there's literally no one to do it and they have to even though they're not experienced at it, not terribly good at this sort of thing and very busy doing other stuff at the very same time ie the stuff they usually do which they're kind of good at in some ways but not the ways that are similar to the other thing you want them to do almost simultaneously as that thing and you don't have much time to explain it all to them let alone give them proper training for it you should at least send that email with the passwords they need before they go to the office the next day, oh and mention all the stuff, that stuff you need from the emails they need to access with that password, and maybe make a list of the stuff that needs to be done that you went through once the day before except for that one thing you need access to the emails they don't have the password for anyway and send that list, written like. Oh and let them know that the landlady is going to be showing up the next day to do cleaning and shut you out half the day. And preferably get her to do it another day. Among other thing. I'm tired.

I feel doomed.

Kind of. A little bit doomed. I have actual reasons for it but they aren't anything different than what I usually have to deal with. Fortunately I have my tried and trusted way of dealing with it all by not dealing with it, for the most part. I'm able to ignore the existence of the actual thing that may, well almost certainly will be a large-ish problem most of the time. The other stuff, the stuff that just kind of annoys me I can't keep out of my head as much. It's kind of annoying. It's got dreary again and I have to go to work in a bit. That annoys me.

A leaf falls..

a darkness falls over the earth (ok in this particular time zone and hemisphere anyway, but just bear with me) and the cold bites like, something with teeth, sharp enough to bite. Yes, it's Autumn. In the northern hemisphere anyway at least in those areas that have seasons and where autumn begins about as early as this. The year is showing a wrinkle on it's brow and starting to think about it's latter days. Seriously any minute now the xmas shit is going to show up, won't be long. So it's already September, the late part of this year anno domino or however you say it 2000 and fifteen and again what the hell have I done all year? A fair bit, in some ways. A lot has changed and I've moved my life pretty far I'm not sure if I'd call it forward but to another place. I haven't done much of what I want to do, and what I've wanted to do for years, yet again, but I have done, um, stuff. Some stuff, not great stuff but some. But I talk too soon. It's only September. I still have all of autumn to crunch on the leaves that will be falling abundantly any minute now, and to walk around in the beautiful orange of autumn, and snap a bunch of shots some of which won't be all that bad, like I always do. And do more stuff. I can still do something this year and not just the somethings that I've done that is quite different to the years past, at least the recent ones, but the stuff I never do, or seldom do or don't do in enough quality and quantity. I can still do it. Most importantly, there is still time, I mean it's pushing it a bit but there's still time for the hoverboards to show up.

It's that time of year..

where people who depend entirely on the summer busy season for their livelihood will have to find something else to do in the not summer and subsequently not as busy season in order to earn something that can realistically be considered a livelihood. I'm one of those people.