I stop and think sometimes.

I do. When I do I'm usually somewhat surprised at things. Not surprised so much as amazed, startled or taken aback. No, those are just the thesaurus entries. Definitely not inattentive, struck, or blutterbunged. Nor anoetic whatever that means. Maybe anoetic, I don't really know what it means so maybe that's it. What it is is a feeling that I don't really belong in my life. Like it's not really what is happening. No, that's not it either. I look at where I am and I ask "what are you doing here?" And the answer is, not much really. How did I get here is a more relevant question. I know the answer, again, not much, I just got here. I usually don't stop to think about it. Even though my life is not necessarily all that eventful and not at all exciting, I still have enough distractions around that I don't stop and philosophize all that much so these thoughts never get too deep, hence the lack of being able to define it all. I'm not sure I really want to delve deeper, I'm reasonably content with how things are and what the near future is likely to bring if I don't think about it much, and though the realistic outlook is not a particularly bad one, or at all a bad one, I still prefer to keep it all fuzzy. I'm used to fuzziness, it helps me get through it all. Now there's a word, fuzzy. Easy to say, sounds funny and did not take me more than half a second to come up with the perfect word.