Wednesday, July 15, 2015

I stop and think sometimes.

I do. When I do I'm usually somewhat surprised at things. Not surprised so much as amazed, startled or taken aback. No, those are just the thesaurus entries. Definitely not inattentive, struck, or blutterbunged. Nor anoetic whatever that means. Maybe anoetic, I don't really know what it means so maybe that's it. What it is is a feeling that I don't really belong in my life. Like it's not really what is happening. No, that's not it either. I look at where I am and I ask "what are you doing here?" And the answer is, not much really. How did I get here is a more relevant question. I know the answer, again, not much, I just got here. I usually don't stop to think about it. Even though my life is not necessarily all that eventful and not at all exciting, I still have enough distractions around that I don't stop and philosophize all that much so these thoughts never get too deep, hence the lack of being able to define it all. I'm not sure I really want to delve deeper, I'm reasonably content with how things are and what the near future is likely to bring if I don't think about it much, and though the realistic outlook is not a particularly bad one, or at all a bad one, I still prefer to keep it all fuzzy. I'm used to fuzziness, it helps me get through it all. Now there's a word, fuzzy. Easy to say, sounds funny and did not take me more than half a second to come up with the perfect word.

7 comments:

lekkerman said...

You're an enigma. That's what you are. A mystery, despite your prolific cyber footprint. I mean, I've known you for yonks now, through some of your heavy life changes re relationships both working and personal, but rarely ever do you give much away that is deep and personal. On rare occasion we've conducted lengthy conversations via comment threads, but still, it's always flippant, never serious, just passing time I suppose. Not that I would expect a soul-baring exercise in such a public way, but still, I feel there's always been a glass wall between us. Maybe that's partly my fault. At the start I held you in such esteem it was almost pathetic (no, it actually was pathetic) as cautiously I did my best to talk to you, but avoiding contention, avoiding disapproval. I pussy-footed around avoiding talking to you directly and honestly, and you once told me you felt I was making, "non-specific demands". You were right of course, I wanted to know more about you, in detail, but didn't have the balls to ask. I was hoping, via the process of osmosis, telepathy, or maybe good old reading between the lines, that you'd take it upon yourself to unburden yourself to good old Don! Anyway, before I digress to the point of getting totally lost, I have to tell you that you're an "understater extraordinaire", and I think you're right, the word "fuzzy" is most appropriate. Your writing is best described as slightly blurred, fuzzy at the edges, such that the word picture you're drawing cannot be identified clearly. Anyway, I hope you don't mind me expressing myself thus.

I'm always more than pleased to see a post of yours.

Michelle said...

kay

Michelle said...

I'd say more in reply, but I can't think of what right now...

*ponders*

lekkerman said...

No worries. I shouldn't bang on at length in the comment section, because it can make you feel obligated to reply in kind. At least that's how I'd feel about it if things were reversed. As long as I don't get one of the - for me - dreaded, push button "likes", or "loves", I'm fairly okay. Don't you just hate those? :)

Michelle said...

hmmm.. I kind of like lazily being able to say that I've noticed and approved without having to specify why... it does make it all too easy for us though

lekkerman said...

Dislikes.

Michelle said...

I see