Pointless

I wasn't going to say anything about these things, because every time I talk about stuff I potentially want to do it ends up not happening, but it's already ended up not happening so it doesn't matter now..

So far this year I've done pretty much nothing in the world of acting. I feel kind of useless because of that, but that was to be made up with all the things going on this summer. First there was a guy who I spoke to back in March or something, some Australian dude making a film, an independent no budget affair, but it sounded pretty good and there was talk of me being the central character. So of course he went and got someone else to do it.. I saw some stuff advertised about a series of short films which the makers wanted actors for, so I emailed them, telling them all about myself, with photos and everything.. and no answer. So I emailed again. No answer so obviously I'm of no use or not good enough or something. Then there's the usual summer films at the film school. I went to a casting the other night, sucked, but thought possibly I'd still get something because there weren't so many people there, and yesterday I got a phone call from a guy who asked me my schedule and that he might use me in his film, he asked my email address so he could email me the script. I got no email so today I sent him a message reminding him. I got a message back saying he'd gone with someone from the class. I sent one back explaining that I'm much better than this hussy he got to do the role, not in those words, but said, hey... I'm fucking good, give it to me.. and no answer.

Everyone I know who's vaguely into acting or making films is making their own films and everyone I know who's vaguely into acting is in them except for me. I'm too fucking stupid and scatterbrained to come up with any ideas of my own.. or rather to put them together in a format that can be made into anything so I'm not going to be doing anything of my own very soon.. so I rather fucking depend on people making something to fucking pick me for one of the millions of fucking roles in their piddly little no budget fucking films! But no.. I'm not even good enough for that!

I'm fucking sick of this. I want to fucking be in something already.