Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Change is afoot.

I just made a big change. Thing is, I'm not sure it's going to take, exactly. Time will tell. I made this change, I'd like to say triumphantly but seeing as it's due to me failing at life yet again, I'm not sure I can claim that. Again, time will tell. Yes, yet again I've fucked up, or not so fucked up, fucking up has a kind of art to it, people who are fabulously disastrous, people with great highs and lows, people you notice that have a weird and wonderful if sometimes difficult life. What I've done is just amble along, not being good enough and sinking down to generally just below average in a totally not worth writing home about boring manner. It's what I always do. And here I am. So I tried to take control of the situation, allowing me to keep a tiny semblance of pride. Perhaps it's a bad idea, in fact, I know it's a bad idea, but not doing this is also a bad idea and which one is a worse I have no idea, so I chose to do what I damn well felt like, and I don't know if it worked. I even fucking fail at fucking quitting, how does one manage that? The near future should let me know more of what my greater future will behold, but as for now I have to wait until they let me know.

6 comments:

lekkerman said...

The great thing about success and failure is they don't refer to anything of substance, they amount to being opinions only, so regardless of what anyone else thinks, you can deem yourself an unmitigated success in everything you do. But take, for instance, "having a bad back", especially on the lower-right side... no matter how you try to frame its reality it fucking hurts... ouch... pouts.

Michelle said...

right..

well I've tried this. I tell myself I'm fucking awesome, and some people in fact I'm sure totally kind of think it too, and sometimes I am. Some people clearly need to make a big public effort of saying the exact opposite and that well.. pisses me off and puts me in a bad mood for days, then it fades, and other people either are polite or think I'm great so I get over it thinking.. yeah, those people were just wrong and by the way FUCKING ASSHOLES and these people, well these people are right. Then it happens again, and then I get over it again, then again and eventually repercussions happen and I have to admit to myself that maybe I'm not as awesome as I thought I was. I don't like it, and give me another day or two and I'll convince myself of it again, but I do live int he real world, and the real world doesn't seem to find me that impressive. This is why I spend as much time in a world of my own, can't be dealing with that reality shit.

lekkerman said...

I know you mainly from your written words only, so I'm not really qualified to offer an opinion on your self, but opine I will, and say: you've always struck me as a most quirky blogger, an excellent photographer, and on the occasions we’ve “conversed”, good fun too. And also, last but not least, you're mostly excellently well-formed! So I suggest (though I’m always loth to give advice) you put all the critics into your “Undiscerning Cunts” list and duly forget about them?

Michelle said...

ok then..

*duly forgets about them*

*tries to figure out why I'm unemployed and destitute*

lekkerman said...

Oh... I didn't realise you were no longer employed. Forget what I said. I should be less gung-ho with my advice. Sorry!

lekkerman said...

I sent a comment but I'm not sure if it went into moderation or it failed to be sent. This is a test! :)