Finding Strength.

I've just discovered a new gimmick for myself, one that I already know which will have no positive consequences. Something I'm doing this very evening in fact, entirely because I can't be bothered to do something. This thing is no big deal really, nothing too arduous, nothing that takes too long, but that takes the tiniest bit of effort. I have decided I'm not doing it. I tell myself I'm choosing to not do it because I want to do better things, get to work on moving up from this status finally, after telling myself this for years, and that I will spend the time doing something that is productive. The second one is definitely not true. I'm not doing anything productive at least not the thing I told myself I would do if I didn't do the other thing. The first one remains to be seen, but either way it's something I can do whether I did this tonight or not and something I should have done ages ago. The likelihood that I will make strides to do this in a major way any time soon is negligible, nay, almost entirely unlikely. I could convince myself that my motives are noble, but I'm pretty good at seeing through bullshit, there's no point in bothering.