Saturday, March 07, 2015

On to the next step.

So, recently there have been a lot of changes in my life, change of circumstance, habitat, um, yeah everything really. The beginning of last month was the big moment although stuff happened earlier that led to it, which was quite devastating to me. The last month has been strange, I guess I could say, although I seem to adapt pretty quickly to everything changing completely. I was there, now I'm here, I had this person in my life, now they're.. well over there and I don't really communicate much, and there's this person over here who's in my space, sort of. Yeah.. just that. I did well, if I may say so myself, the main thing was gaining some sort of employment, keeping it and making some money from it and I did that. Amazing what you can achieve if you really fucking have to. It was hairy for a while, took it's time and I thought I was going to be out on my ass again but I had a whirlwind week of something akin to success that made it possible for me to survive. Since then, it's been slower, and less lucrative but I'll probably mention that later at some point. My personal life obviously has been disrupted. Last month, fresh out of a life that I'd been living for years, that I'd been involuntarily kicked out of, here I was, wondering, what the fuck is next. And what came next was.. a bit of everything, working, drinking, working hungover, insomnia.. arguing, fighting, sharing intimate details.. other stuff. A lot I don't remember, but it was all good, even the stuff that wasn't good, and in fact absolutely terrible, because it was what there was at the time. That was February. First month out of my old life. Now, things are different again, people move on, another moves in, business is slow and I'm wondering again, what the fuck is next, what the hell am I going to do with myself now. This time I think I need to make an effort to build some kind of life for myself, because letting it all just happen around me just isn't working anymore.

2 comments:

lekkerman said...

Yay! Lots of words! Things are certainly looking up... or have I got that the wrong way round? Maybe no posts is a sign your life is rich, and regular full posts a sign of stagnation?

Michelle said...

um.. well it's a sign that I'm more coherent, more awake, more productive maybe...

yeah, the difference is mostly that I have more time (I think?) and spend less of my time in a drunken stupor and/or suffering severe sleep deprivation.. of course don't start thinking I'm going around behaving responsibly or anything, haven't gotten there yet.. well, recently slipped back into my old (month old or so) ways, for a bit at least..