I had my doubts about this year.. you know, 2 thousand and what it is.. I mean, I'm not the slightest bit superstitious, not in any way, not even minutely anyway you stretch it but... I had my doubts about this particular year past the 2000 that are of our lord or whatever because of.. that number of years.. cos.. I dunno, stuff. I'm not denying there have been good parts of this year, positive things occurring, times of hope, times of.. well relative joy. I'm not saying that most years of my life don't for the most part suck but it just seems like.. this year sucks! I got through Jan.. got through the long long winter.. a few hurdles here and there that were of average crappiness that were gotten over but, now it just seems like it's nothing but shit! And so many types, of so many levels. If one thing goes ok, the likelihood that 2 out of 3 of the others is going to turn out bad enough to seriously fuck things up is pretty high. And I don't even know where to start on all of this.. I don't want to start on any of this, I want to push it to the back of my mind and well.. I can't not think about it, but at least keep it at the level it's at, and just not know about how potentially bad it can get. It could all go just fine, of course, out of all of these things, it could turn out that they're all not as bad as they seem to actually completely different than anyone who knows anything about any of this stuff thinks it is, and therefore not at all a problem. If so it would be best to get to the point of knowing that. The problem is, it might not turn out like that, and I'd rather not know. At some point, it will all affect me, whether I do anything or not. I am not looking forward to that.