Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I suck

I'd like to send out a congratulations to Mr Angry, fellow blogger and Aussie/insert whatever slang/insulting word you use in your part of the world to refer to Australians, that is if you've even heard of them. He's gonna be on telly, due to being a very talented and popular blogger/youtube thingy creator. Good on ya mate! It's nice to see people get rewarded for their work.

Now.. guess who's not gonna be on telly? Guess who's never, ever in the entire future history of the world going to be on television, in a major film or in fact anything acting related that is done professionally and well paid? Can you guess who?

Well if you guessed me then you guessed right. Now, do you want to know why I'm never ever going to be in anything that ever gets seen by people? I hope you do, because I'm going to tell you.

I went to a casting today. It's for a Nokia ad, and I found out about it because someone told me about it last night and suggested I go to it. I'm not with any agency currently so I haven't been going to these castings, and really didn't know what to expect.

So, I arrived there. There were lots of people just waiting around. I went to the front desk, filled out the form then looked like an idiot because I didn't fill out the agency I'm with. Nice start. I talked a bit to this girl I know from class, who was there for the same reason, then all the women were called into the casting room.

I appeared to be the only non model who is anywhere near or over 30 there. I wandered if Brian had forgotten to mention, or handn't known that they wanted models specifically, or if it was just a coincidence. I wasn't too pleased to be doing the silly casting thing in front of all these people, including someone I know from class.

The casting woman (whatever you call these people) called up two girls before me to do their thing. They had to walk cats and get all confused and be self conscious. The cats were a bag and some stuffed toys on a string. The first girl did pretty well, considering the silly circumstances, the second girl looked a bit more uneasy.

Then I had to get up. I fucked up right from the beginning, I started to do the introduction while she was taking my picture. Then I had to do the cats thing. I didn't even try to act, or if I was trying it was so dreadful I shouldn't have tried it. I was too busy just getting the movements right, she was telling me to move right, move left, which I actually also got wrong first, then to tangle the lines up together, look around, look confused. Every second she was telling me some specific movement to do so I was just following that. And it was dreadful.

Then she said everyone who was done could go, and pointed at me. Sure, I had already done mine, but so had 2 others, but I suppose they were considered good enough to try for one of the other parts. I obviously wasn't.

Well, the worst part isn't that I sucked so monumentally badly, or that I'm ugly, fat and old. The worst part is that I'm ugly, fat and old and I sucked monumentally in front of the major casting agent in Prague. I've been putting it off but I've been meaning to sign up with her agency for a while and was planning to do it in the next week or so. Now, I don't know. She's seen me, seen what I can do, or rather what I can't do, and the chances if I sign up with her that I'll ever get sent for anything ever are nil. Exactly nil.

So I'm feeling a bit shitty right now if you don't mind.


Erikland said...

Hmmmmm, well that sucks.

Although you may not be on the telly yet, the theft flick was up on youtube and I, for one, thought you rocked in it! Although you do have to insist on more screen time for the next one :)

Mr Angry said...

These things pass. It's possible this has put an impossible to remove blemish on you but I'd doubt it. Models all look like fucking models. When that casting agent wants an "individual" you'll stand out a mile in contrast to all the faceless bimbos. Be positive!