Changes and such

So  some things have changed since I last wrote.. or rather since I was in the habit of writing more often than I have of late... 

I changed work. I think, I don't know, when did I last write and what did I write. I could look it up I suppose. I like what I do enough. Still has it's problems but I'm not making enough money.  I still don't have a guitar. Did I mention I really want one and don't have one and haven't had one since all my stuff was stolen a year and a half ago... I did play the guitar briefly once, about 2 months ago, I was quite high and drunk so I reckon I wasn't very good.

I don't think that's changed so much in 6 months actually. I have moved. I was in a hostel for a year. Almost a fucking year. Sad but a friend's misfortune gave me an opportunity to live somewhere else as cheaply as I was in that shithole, without needs for deposit and stuff.. and it's better. It's still... it's still something suitable for someone of my station.. but it's better.

Oh and I changed my relationship status. That was before moving. It's  a good thing and I don't regret it, I mean it wasn't entirely my choice this change was a group endeavor if you know what I mean but it was the right thing. Still, I can't help feeling a bit lonely and aimless.. and a lady of my age... well it's not easy.

So some changes but mostly things suck, maybe not as bad as they did, I don't know.

So I'll finish with an image of Louis XIV, who's record remains safe for the time being. I actually don't have new photos, what am I doing with my life!

 

 

What the hell

 It's  been almost 6 months, I might as well post a photo at least. 

Taken today, September 2022. In fact I couldn't post one from earlier, not straight from the phone anyway because I had to do a full reset because of a problem and I backed everything up at least I thought I did but stuff disappeared anyway.. I mean not the photos but stuff you know.

It may not be the most significant thing over a 6 month period, but it's a thing. Anyway hi.

 

A bunch of springy images

 Just to keep the blog going.

Not much to say about them but you can google translate the title to Finnish or something to make it seem more interesting.

Plus les jolies images

 

 

Because why not.

On the water

 I took a ferry ride the other day.

Destiny and stuff

I don't actually believe in destiny or fate or any of that spiritual stuff, I really don't, logically. I do however often have a feeling that there is some sort of pattern with my life that can't be explained by anything logical. 

Not to get too negative... oh wait that's exactly what I'm going to do... but I've been feeling now for a long time that there's something out there that is just not letting me have anything good. It's not even letting me get out of this pit I've been sunk in for more than 2 years now. 

I'm not saying there hasn't been any good things happen, or nice moments, but they're all very small and not enough to improve the overall ratio of the not sucking of my life. And anything good, however small is always followed by a setback. The thing is I don't need any more setbacks, I don't need good things... which at best are something that slightly begins to make up for how awful my life is... to be balanced by bad. The balance is already way off and at this point I need a fucking miracle to get anywhere near restoring it.

I've had a particularly bad week. It was bad enough already, I got screwed over again, I'm more worried about the future again, and another week has gone by when things have not improved.. again. It was one time and one week too much and plunged me into something of a depression. 

Now the thing I was counting on to help me scrape through to make up for the other thing has fallen through. I'm seriously fucked.

I know there are no gods or anything up there deciding things for me, that's ridiculous. It's a combination of random chance and my own feeblness. It doesn't improve things. It means that my misfortune isn't going to be redeemed poetically by great things that end the story. It more likely means that these seemingly statistically unlikely inexpicably happening to me repeatedly are not really unlikely or inexplicable... they just reflect how the world is.. and how inadequate I am to survive in it.

Night

Same scene, different seconds. The second one is technically a bad photo but I quite like the effect.

So blue

 Random photo time. 

I'm trying to post more frequently, make it seem like this blog is the active sort, however writing about stuff gets a bit bogged down in whining and I don't want to do that all the time so I'm going to go with posting images of the random sort, pretty, interesting, meaningful or none of the above, just whatever I've snapped. 

Hopefully I won't be mistaken for spam. 

Again.

I was in jail

Oh yeah not jail jail, just blogger jail which isn't exactly the same thing, the blog was taken offline for supposedly being a vehicle for delivering spam.. or something.

I came back, obviously. I went to the site for review, proved I wasn't a robot and was back online. 

So if you missed seeing me that's why. I mean it was about a week ago now and was only for about 8 hours so, just shows how much is going on in my life now.

Actually there's a fair bit going on but writing about my real life has gotten a bit one note of late so I'm having a break from that for a bit.

Apparently the blog was flagged as spam. Would be interesting to know just how that happened... *looks around, not accusingly or anything*

Here's a random photo.

So it cooled down already..

After finally warming up. Just in time for April. It even plans to snow. Nevertheless, it's still technically spring.

It's still Spring

 

It's Spring!

 

Spring in the world, winter in my heart.... but I'm not one to dwell on such things 🙄.

A small part of this world

The world continues to move and yet another crisis has befallen us. Will things ever get better? And what kind of asshole would I be to use this as a lead in to make it about myself.

This kind. I am this kind of asshole. In fairness to myself, I do think my problems are not entirely trivial.

I was trudging along, barely surviving, the new year was bleak and tough, hungry, always with the threat of homelessness hovering over me, but it's slowly getting warmer and busier and things were set to get better. Not good, just better. 

So of course I had to suffer another setback. My main source of income, pitiful as it was, is now gone. I'm not able to get something new as quickly as I need and family in this case aren't able to come through. I really don't know what I'm going to do now. I seem to have just ended a relationship as well. Whether that makes things worse I don't know.

I don't know if it's worse or better or the same as it's been for a long long time, I just know that this is getting too old, I need for this fucking miserable spell to be over, like a year ago.

I know people have it much worse than me. I still can't stand this shit.

Meeting Friends

Just a photo, because there's not much I want to say.

Summing it all up

Stay positive, they say, no matter how grim things get, there's always tomorrow, you never know what will happen... blah blah 

And they're right. A positive attitude is more likely to bring forward a positive outcome. Probably. Eventually.

But fuck it. I've been burnt too many times with naive beliefs that things will be better. Ok the beliefs come rarely and stay briefly, but it doesn't ever really work.

2022, in a nutshell. Most likely.

If it turns out better, I get the joy of being pleasantly surprised.

Twenty Twenty Two

Happy New trip around the sun. It's all very meaningful and shit.. I know. I'm determined this one shall be different! 

Of course I actually have no control of these things and there's still room for it to get worse so...

It's the year of the tiger. At least it will be in February. I'm sure that means something very exciting but I can't be bothered to look it up.

They really should have New Year's a different time of year. January sucks enough generally, but when you have a shitty commission only sales job (which you're not particularly skilled at) which relies heavily on tourist presence (close to non-existent after the festive season especially when it's only just post or not even post pandemic times) so you're worried about even having barely enough money to survive a few weeks from now because you didn't make enough money during December to last you long because they fucked the tourist season here by putting in Covid restrictions that turned out to be useless anyway... then it sucks quite more. Oh and it's cold.. in this part of the Northern Hemisphere anyway. 

But yeah. Yay 2022 🥂🎶🎸