Destiny and stuff

I don't actually believe in destiny or fate or any of that spiritual stuff, I really don't, logically. I do however often have a feeling that there is some sort of pattern with my life that can't be explained by anything logical. 

Not to get too negative... oh wait that's exactly what I'm going to do... but I've been feeling now for a long time that there's something out there that is just not letting me have anything good. It's not even letting me get out of this pit I've been sunk in for more than 2 years now. 

I'm not saying there hasn't been any good things happen, or nice moments, but they're all very small and not enough to improve the overall ratio of the not sucking of my life. And anything good, however small is always followed by a setback. The thing is I don't need any more setbacks, I don't need good things... which at best are something that slightly begins to make up for how awful my life is... to be balanced by bad. The balance is already way off and at this point I need a fucking miracle to get anywhere near restoring it.

I've had a particularly bad week. It was bad enough already, I got screwed over again, I'm more worried about the future again, and another week has gone by when things have not improved.. again. It was one time and one week too much and plunged me into something of a depression. 

Now the thing I was counting on to help me scrape through to make up for the other thing has fallen through. I'm seriously fucked.

I know there are no gods or anything up there deciding things for me, that's ridiculous. It's a combination of random chance and my own feeblness. It doesn't improve things. It means that my misfortune isn't going to be redeemed poetically by great things that end the story. It more likely means that these seemingly statistically unlikely inexpicably happening to me repeatedly are not really unlikely or inexplicable... they just reflect how the world is.. and how inadequate I am to survive in it.