Because the old one just doesn't have enough smitin' in it...

The Bible. It's holy, it's famous, it's important and stuff, it's the Bible of.. well, all things everywhere (well if you happen to be one of the people who are into the particular religions that use it as their texts enough so you really believe in it, which, admittedly isn't the majority of the earth's pop but whatev), it's old. Really really old.

So time for a rewrite!

Ok.. I know it's been translated and re-translated and there are tons of different versions of it but let's just for the sake of what I'm saying now say there is one and only version which is directly word for word what Jesus and such dictated to their editors, and that version is the KJV.

Well now the Conservapedia people are now working on a new version, The Conservative Bible, appropriately enough, to avoid that insidious Liberal bias that infiltrates "literally" everything in our world. Including the bible. You didn't think Jesus was really chilled out and stuff did you? Liberal bias! As the Conservapedes state:

There are three sources of errors in conveying biblical meaning are, in increasing amount:

• lack of precision in the original language, such as terms underdeveloped to convey new concepts introduced by Christ
• lack of precision in modern language
• translation bias in converting the original language to the modern one.

Well, you know, they have a point. I know nothing at all about this stuff, but even though there are experts on this, I'd think it's still pretty much impossible to get a completely accurate translation of ancient texts. And just perhaps there is a bit of a what I'd call a modern bias, not so much into the smiting and slaughtering and slavery stuff these days. I guess that's what they call liberal. In fact, the stuff that is in the bible that's already been distorted by girly fags seems pretty horrific to me.. some of the stuff in there anyway, one of the reasons I am not a fan of Christianity, in fact. For the Conservapedes that very stuff is too peaceful and loving, or whatever, and that's a bad thing. So it's up to them to fix the bible, according to the following guidelines:

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level^[3]
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms to capture better the original intent;^[4] Defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words that have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction^[5] by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";^[6] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Inauthentic Passages: excluding the interpolated passages that liberals commonly put their own spin on, such as the adulteress story
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

Because obvs the original bible was pro capitalist and afraid of girl germs. You'll be happy to know that those hardworking boys have already started.

Happy Sunday!

Look, if you can't say anything clever..

Then keep your damn trap shut! Ok, before anyone rushes to accuse me of hypocrisy, I'm not talking about regular folk who bloviate with regularity and whom no one ever listens to.. no harm done there but being a slight annoyance, but if you're the pope for instance.. a person who, regardless of how much influence you should have over people (the answer is none, by the way) has, quite a lot actually, well, you need to be more responsible with the things you say.

For instance;

You can't resolve [the AIDS problem] with the distribution of condoms," the pope told reporters aboard the Alitalia plane heading to Yaounde. "On the contrary, it
increases the problem.

Ok now, remember, this is a serious subject, people are fucking dying.. a lot of people, people who listen to YOU pope.. do you even realize that? Do you even think about how shit like this practically affects people's lives? This isn't just some fucking vehicle for you to push your church's views on contraception.. it's about life and death! This shit matters!!! For fucks sake!

It's a bullshit statement. Yeah, yeah I get the church's stance.. and I'm aware of the claim that approving of condoms causes people to be more promiscuous which makes the problem worse.. more worse than not using condoms.. but I don't think anyone who isn't biased towards that conclusion believes it. It's illogical. And if you're going to throw out a remark like that, you need to explain much better than that why, and then provide evidence. Preferably with links.

I don't know whether he believes it or is just towing the Vatican line. Stupid or evil? And yeah I did partly write this just so I could put up a picture of the Pope hailing Satan. As he does.

Freedom comes from within.. the spinny bit..

It was International Women's Day on the weekend, which I totally blew off.. something to do with boozing.. shameful, I know. But some people do care about women.. especially our good friends the Catholics.. who, or at least some of whom weren't too drunk at the time to observe it. They tell us, that it's not the contraceptive pill, or working outside the home that liberated us.. but the washing machine:

"In the 20th century, what contributed most to the emancipation of western
women?" asked the editorial.
"The debate is still open. Some say it was the
pill, others the liberalisation of abortion, or being able to work outside the
home. Others go even further: the washing machine."

Ok, 2 major points about this. The first one is that there is some truth in it. The second point is, that it's utter bullshit.

There is truth in it because obvs. technology and all the gadgets it's brought us, has saved us all a lot of time, it's changed the world, the lives of people everywhere, it's changed the way we work and class systems and all that etc etc etc.

It's bullshit for a lot of reasons. Some women might spend less time doing housework, some might do more, but even if every single woman in the world spends less time on these things, if you control for the differences world wide that have come about because of technology, the differences are either nil, or are in reverse, eg the stereotypical 1950s higher standards of cleanliness that came about because of all of these things.. and if you don't take into consideration the way technological differences have changed our lives over all, well, you just can't compare it because life is just different. So there.. I mean, a middle class Western woman of the 1850s most likely did no, or little physical housework, certainly not more than we would today because she had servants.. people just did then, and we wouldn't consider those women more liberated than modern women because of the society they lived in. Just an example.

It's also bullshit for the reason that it obviously accepts that fact that women do and should do all the washing, which is a fucking copout, and the very antithesis of liberated. And when you compare the washing machine's impact on women's lives, with the ability and right to control her own fertility, and what the article calls "working outside the home" and what I'll call the right and opportunity to enter a wider variety of professions, then it's outrageous bullshit. The fertility thing is pretty much a no brainer, and I think it's clear why the Catholic Church brought this one up, and downplayed the huge benefits that the pill has brought women. I don't think you can point to any one thing that is the biggest liberator of women in the 20th century, but the pill would definitely be equal first, a position that the washing machine most certainly does not share.

Working, having careers, I consider that point as part of a larger idea that women are more than just wives and mothers, who are full human beings capable of doing much more, who are independent human beings who desrve full rights, ie feminism.. and if you compare all that's been done by feminists during that time well.. you can probably guess that the little old washing machine isn't faring well in this competition.

Oh goodness I've rambled on again.. but in short, I think that you can believe that the washing machine is the biggest thing that came out of the 20th century to liberate women, more than the right to vote, the right to abortion, to study, to travel unchaperoned in a lot of places etc etc, if you believe that women are, and are always going to be a wives and mothers, of as many children as god gives them, who's main job it is to take care of the washing, and by extension all the other stuff in the household.. a view that isn't surprising coming from a spokesperson for the Catholic Church, but not one that is in any way liberating.

And to finish off, as if I haven't said enough, the main thing in all this is. The people who get to decide what is liberating for women are people who are pro liberation for women, mostly women themselves who have lived it. You don't get a say if you're not pro women's liberation, and most definitely do not if you are actively, enthusiastically, against liberation for women. You know.. like, guess who...

This I know how to do.

Ok, it's Wednesday and I've been doing this forever so I won't bother with tedious explanations, I'll just get on with it:

Jer 10:10 "But the LORD is the true God; He is the living God and the everlasting King, At His wrath the earth will tremble, And the nations will not be able to endure His indignation"

a) This LORD guy rules. He totally rules and totally governs everything and has LOADS of power right, and if he just gets pissed off at everyone in the world right.. he'll just up and destroy everything.. s,true.. I mean.. the dude literally RULES man.. isn't it awesome? I mean.. until he goes and fucks everything up that will kinda suck but fuck.. he's like.. the man..

b) Be weary unless ye anger God, our true Lord for if you do he will SMITE you everlastingly, and DESTROY the earth and it won't matter for the good cos they'll go straight to heaven but if you are a sinner you will go to HELL! Yes.. all you Satan loving whores better be warned. STOP BEING GAY!

c) Jesus is the kindest, most lovely person/god that ever walked this earth, and you know that because the bible tell us so, he's even so kind as to warn us to be good, and do good unto others that he gives us such a good motivation to follow his example and not anger him, as we will lose our earth and home otherwise..

I stun myself with my cleverness sometimes.

Ah, lets settle down to some good old fashioned tradition...

It's Wednesday.. and you know what that means...

well, if you (singular) are reading, you probably do. If I happen to have picked up a stray reader who will probably peruse this post and then never visit again, you probably won't. In the case of situation #2 I won't bother explaining.. let's just say we're going with pies tonight, just like every Wednesday since time immemorial. Or some Wednesdays since some time last year..

1 John 1:1-3 "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we
have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled,
concerning the Word of life-- the life was manifested, and we have seen, and
bear witness, and declare to you that eternal life which was with the Father and
was manifested to us-- that which we have seen and heard we declare to you"

a) Ok, it's set up like this.. this bible thing that we are dictating right now is right and good in everything and you need to believe all of it, even the bits that contradict the other bits.. and anyway, if you do that you'll get everlasting life. Nice, isn't it?

b) Listen up and listen good.. the LORD has spoken and HE is all powerful.. which means you've got to do what he says. And what he says is do what I say and don't be gay and if yer wimmins then don't be whores and submit to yer mens.. kay.. what you doin.. don't worry about what it says there just listen to what I say.

c) .. and the kitties, and the bunnies, and the birdies, and the flowers, and the trees, and the wine, and the harp, and the sea, and the songs and the dancing.. la la la la la...

Until tomorrow...

Who's your daddy?

Time for one of my favourite pastimes, that age old one of plucking an obscure verse from a holy text and twisting it's meaning (or in some cases by a an amazing coincidence getting it spot on) and use it to justify genocide, oppression or unusual sex acts involving furry costumes.. though as far as I know nobody's ever used the bible for the last one, but I could be mistaken. Let's just get on with it. I got this one from this site, cos the one I was using before doesn't seem to do it anymore.

Isa 26:4-5 "Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting
strength, For He brings down those who dwell on high, The lofty city; He lays it
low, He lays it low to the ground, He brings it down to the dust"

a) You see, you should worship god because he's a just an honorable sort of chap, he'll give you all sorts of goodies, a long life, nice house and all that shit.. just as long as you worship him and believe everything he says without question and spend your life grovelling to him. Otherwise he'll strike you dead with lightning or something.. seems fair to me.

b) God rules everything. He is all powerful. He can kill you and destroy everything you know.. in fact, he might just do it for a whim. You never know. He can just snap his fingers and the world is a goner, if he just gets displeased or something.. and that's why you gotta trust him. I know.. it doesn't make sense. Just don't ask.

c) God will STRIKE ye down in a SECOND if he so wishes.. so ye must OBEY all that is written by HIM. Which means be a right wing money making gay and non white people hating christian, preferably from Texas or somewhere similar. Oh and we like the womens to keep quiet.. so keep yer womens quiet. If ye are a womens then SHUT UP!

Yeah I don't know what I'm talking about. Whatevs.

I'm nothing if not traditional.

Those of you who are readers of old (I get the feeling it's entirely inappropriate for me to be addressing you in plural.. hmmm) will remember my old Wednesday Random Bible Verse series.

Anyway it's Wednesday and I have nothing else to write and I remembered it for once. So..

Matt 22:31-33 "But concerning the resurrection of the dead, have you not read
what was spoken to you by God, saying, 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of
Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living"

a) Matt said.. but, like.. you know when people die right.. and they're dead right.. well what if they weren't really dead but like.. um.. cos there's god they're like.. out there but in like.. another plane sorta.. you know, something really cosmic cos god said something about Abraham or um.. something and said that he's into life and like.. positive stuff.. (said in the voice of Neil from the Young Ones)

b) Look, it's very simple. God said.. 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living" so.. that means, that although it would seem to the layperson that he is indeed dead, he can't be dead, because he's god, and he said that he is the god of the "living".. and the living aren't dead. So he must be alive in some way that we can't explain but it's ok because it's god and he can do anything. See?

c) God is God and he manages to be alive even though he's dead. We know this because he said so, and we know that what he says is always true because he brought himself back to life. And because of this whatever he says is true. Oh and this all means that homos are evil and chicks need to shut up and keep their legs closed. S'true.

That's it.

Who Would Jesus Stiff?

I went to my usual class again last night. Well it's not all that usual, I've been missing a lot of classes lately due to a major block in creativity. I sucked. I did a door and it was bad. Everyone else in the class was brilliant so I feel extra crappy in comparison to everyone.

But it doesn't matter. What matters is the beer. After class we went to the pub. We sat around, drinking beer, talking, laughing and trying to outdo each other in wit and charm. I won of course but I don't think anyone recognized that I did.

After a bit of joking around JP, a member of our christian family started talking about Jesus to a member of the class, and from what I could understand was trying to "save" him. It didn't appear to work, though the guy was listening to him, he was obviously treating it as a joke.

But JP was not deterred. He turned to John, another class member who had become interested in the conversation. They began a debate which included a lot of stuff I'd heard before from reading about this a lot on the internet, JP was saying the prayer you need to say to let Jesus into your heart and talking about His great gift that you just have to accept, while John was asking a lot of typical questions of skeptics. I listened in to most of it as I found it interesting. Both were very committed to their views but it stayed civil, and when they finished talking they were still friends who both believed exactly what they believed before they began the conversation.

JP was obviously in the mood for some Jesus talk, he turned to me and asked if I wanted to get the gift of getting into heaven (or something like that) and I told him I don't believe there is a heaven, and he said ok and moved on to the guy next to me, who gave his own reason for not wanting to listen to it, and JP left it.

So it was ok. Nice guy if a bit young and idealistic, though that's just my opinion. Then it was time for them to go. JP and his group left. It didn't look like he'd left money so we figured he'd paid at the bar for their group. Whatever, we carried on...

but, about an hour later, when the last of us paid the bill there was a discrepancy. Everyone paid for their own, but there was some mysterious beers left over.

The Christians didn't pay!

Seriously.

Moral of the story is, if you're going to try to make people follow your religion by promising them a gift of love and an afterlife full of happiness and plenty, then don't leave them with your bill.

Seriously, pay for your beers Christians. You'll get more converts that way.

Oh God why have you forsaken me?

Well?

Hello.. God?

He's not talking to me. I don't blame him, I've been a bit naughty. I've been slacking in my duty of translating His Holy word into real speak for the common folk. It's about time I got back into it, seeing as I'm all into keeping it real these days.

So, here's a new verse to tackle.

Luke 10:17... "And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the
devils are subject unto us through thy name."

a) The 70 were were very happy when they returned and said "Lord. Dude, you're good at this conversion lark.. you even got them devils to come over to your side. I'm impressed!"

b) 70 men, with 70 staffs, and 70 apples went to 70 devils and talked with them some mumbo jumbo about god and angels and how you should be good and stuff. The devils got very bored very quickly with this nonsense and told the 70 men "yeah, yeah, whatever" just to get them off their backs. The men went back to God and boasted about it while the devils just snickered and laughed about what suckers they were.

c) There was on old man, 70 years of age who had lived a hard life, so hard that he was beginning to get... shall I say... a little out of it. He drank very much and was losing his mind a little. He thought he was talking to God one day and had a nice old conversation with him about how he was so proud of himself for getting so many people saved from his conversations in pubs. God humoured him and agreed with him, just to get rid of him.

Phew. I haven't done this for a while. Can you tell I'm rusty?

God is with us...

Being a Wednesday, the proper time for him to be hanging around. On this blog anyway.. the rest of the time he seems to be conspicuously absent, I suspect this is due to a chronic case of non-existence, but some seem to disagree with me there. Anyway...

REV 22:1... "And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb."

a) You see God, (in spite of all that murder, genocide, bigotry, misogyny and all that other lovely stuff) is pure. Pure like water that hasn't got any muck in it. When he murders it's the right thing to do because the very definition of right is what God says is right, and God can do no wrong so if He does it it's right. Capisce?

b) And he brought me to a beautiful place, where the sun shone, the birds sang and there was a beautiful crystal clear lake, with bunnies and lambs frolicking around without a care in the world.. the water looked so inviting, so we tore off all our clothes and jumped in... along with the fishes which were our friends, and the bunnies and lambs jumped in too, to join the fun, and we had a lovely picnic under the water... and built a city where we all lived in harmony and happiness..

c) When God takes a piss, he really takes a piss.

Carry on..

Might as well do this again...

Seeing as it's Wednesday. Today I'm presented with this:

1 Corinth 2:4... "And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of
man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power: 2:5 That your
faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God."

1) Logic, reason, science, empathy and anything else that requires you to use what you've learnt and experienced to decide for yourself what opinion you'll take on any subject.. are utter rubbish. The only thing you need to know to decide what path to take can be summed up as "wot god says".

2) Well you see my speech was incredibly clever, even though it sounded like utter rubbish because though it was in a way utter rubbish, and didn't make any points that made sense, I am a believer. And because I am a believer, and because I have faith, which is right and good, everything I say is right and good, and terribly clever. Even when it's utter rubbish.

3) Those magic tricks did so work, you just weren't quick enough to catch them. You have to believe in it to see it, and you never believed I could do magic so you never saw it. Too bad, it was really really good.

For those that are new to this, you can either come up with another translation for this verse, translate another verse, or just completely ignore this post... see if I care.

Bare stems have all the fun..

#2 in my Sexual Metaphors series comes to us from the Abstinence Outlet people who's best selling produce is this Abstinence Rose Pin. Their message is.

You are like a beautiful rose. Each time you engage in premarital sex, a
precious petal is stripped away.

Don't leave your future husband holding a bare stem. Abstain.

So now you're a flower girls. I don't know if that's better or worse than a cow but anyway... Your petals are your sex. Each time you have sex you lose a petal. Once you lose all of your petals you become a bare stem. And the man who you're going to marry one day deserves better than that, because, well.. because.

Well, each time you have sex before you're married you lose a petal, somehow magically one you have continuously rejuvenating petals, which a husband is allowed to pluck to his heart's content, I'm presuming. As it says "each time you engage in premarital sex you lose a petal" then I suppose it doesn't matter whether you're a full on slut, or whether you just have one boyfriend you have sex with. And just how many times do you have to "engage" before you have no petals left? That rose in the picture looks like it's got about 8 petals, does that mean if you have sex with one man 8 times after being with him for years (but not married to him) you have no petals left? And what exactly happens when you're an empty stem? Are you unable to have sex? Is the sex less enjoyable for the husband/god who has the right to have a beautiful rose as a gift without being obligated to give you anything special? Or is it just that if you've had sex before marriage you're a dirty whore (the more sex/more fellows the dirtier and whorier you are) and that's icky, no man wants to be where another man's been? Anyone going to clear this up for me?

Here's some truth if you can handle it..

It's time to revisit Conservapedia, the online source for everything (except for cheesy potatoes that is) from a conservative point of view. Their entry on homosexuality seems to have settled down, the editors seem to agree that homosexuality is not genetic (based on some study vaguely mentioned and not linked to) and there is no homosexuality in nature because though animals do engage in it, it's still wrong so it doesn't count.

So I thought I'd try another subject. The United States of America.

The United States of America (commonly referred to as America) was founded in 1776 by George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and the other Founding Fathers and formally established as the United States by the ratification of the U.S. Constitution in 1788.

The Declaration of Independence acknowledges the existence of a God when it refers to "the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God" and says all men "are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights," though the latter statement was made by Unitarian Thomas Jefferson. Conservatives argue that most of the Founding Fathers were Christians and that, explicitly or not, the United States was founded upon the principles and ideals of Christianity. However, the freedom of Religion (stating that the government cannot interfere in the conduct of religious groups) is a fundamental aspect of the First Amendment to the Constitution.

Everything you need to know about the USA. Seriously, that's it. They do include this at the top of the page though..

This article has been identified as having problems with length, content
and/or style. You can and are encouraged to make this article better by
contributing. Please add factual and verifiable content, edit phrases to make
them non problematic, or make this article more grammatically correct. Please
remember to abide by The Conservapedia Commandments in your actions, though.

I find it hard to believe that nobody there has anything more to say on this rather important subject. I can only guess that it's a hotly contested debate on what to put in and what to leave out, and the only thing they can all agree on is this portion here. It's been recently updated, with the word "Christianity" replacing "Rastafarianism" which was somebody's unappreciated opinion.

So if you want to add to this entry, you're welcome to sign up and go ahead. You've got to follow the Commandments though.

Sunday Sermon

It's the time of week for preaching, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to share some of the wisdom I've acquired over the years with some of the younger, more impressionable of you.

Kids, don't do drugs. Drugs are bad mmkay. And don't drink. Don't have sex either, not until you're married anyway, and certainly don't get into that hookups jazz. Trust me, I've been there, I've done it all, and it was.. well to be honest it was a lot of fun. A lot of fun, those years of moving around one exciting city to another, meeting new people, the parties, the wild experiences, oh, the great stories I have... but that's not the point. The point is that now I don't do those things. Not as much anyway. And my life today is, well it's ok. I'm pretty happy and certainly haven't had any terrible tragedies brought on by boozing or fucking or anything, but that's not the point.

The point is that it's bad. Nobody warned me about these things, which never existed before my time of course. Well, actually they did but I wasn't listening but that's not the point. The point is that I'm telling you now that these things are bad, so you don't have an excuse, you know these things are bad. So don't do them!

Gay Watch

I've been checking back regularly on Conservapedia since blogging about it here yesterday. It's not a huge surprise to know that homosexuality is a controversial topic. It's always somewhere in the recently updated list, and since I posted an extract yesterday from the entry that was up at the time, it's changed something like 30 times. And the bit about Adam and Steve is gone. I'm pretty sure that one was a hijack from a pisstaker, luckily it's been corrected, though the editors can't seem to agree on just exactly what should go up there. At the moment the page is divided into these categories:

1 Biblical Views on Homosexuality
1.1 Old Testament
1.2 New Testament (Epistles)
2 Homosexuality and Marriage
3 Homosexuality in Humans and Genetics and Environment
4 Homosexuality in Nature
5 References

1 & 2 are pretty straightforward with bible quotes and some actual facts. The subtopic "Homosexuality in Humans and Genetics and Environment" tell us:

Statistical studies give ample evidence that homosexuality is not caused by
genetics, although it is influenced by environment. For example, research has
shown that adoptive brothers are more likely to both be homosexuals than the
biological brothers, who share half their genes. In the journal Science it is
reported that, "this . . . suggests that there is no genetic component, but
rather an environmental component shared in families"...

I'm rather skeptical of this claim, and I rather wonder if the "homosexuality is not caused by genetics, although it is influenced by environment" phrase isn't just badly worded but plagiarised and slightly changed though clumsily as to not to correct the grammar, but what would I know. Anyway..

Homosexuality in Nature
In some jurisdictions, some forms of sexual activity
are referred to by the legal term "unnatural act," a term which originated in
church canon law. Non-zoologists have sometimes made the incorrect inference
that homosexual behavior does not occur in the zoological world and have used it
as a talking point when attacking homosexuality. This has created an interest in
the side issue whether homosexual behavior is or is not zoologically "natural."
This is largely a sterile debate because behavior is not necessarily moral even
if "natural;" because the nature of human beings is not necessarily the same as
the nature of other species, and because it is not at all clear when an observed
behavior can be counted as "sexual," or as implying a sexual "orientation."

It then goes on to admit that there are actual reported cases of gay animals, or at least animals "acting gay" but it already doesn't count because even if you can prove that it's natural (though the previous paragraph claims that studies show it's the influence of the liberal media) it doesn't count because it's still icky..

Ok those are my words, but y'know. I'll keep an eye on it though, and see how it evolves over time.

Nothing but the simple truth. As you see it... and want it to be.

There's a new information source in town, and the great thing about it is it doesn't have that liberal, anti-christian, homosexual bias that all of those others like to indulge in. This one loves Jesus, and America. It's called Conservapedia, and as you can guess from the name it presents it's information from a conservative point of view. From their front page (which looks strangely exactly like wikipedia's front page):

A conservative encyclopedia you can trust. Conservapedia has over 3,400
educational, clean and concise entries on historical, scientific, legal, and
economic topics, as well as more than 350 lectures and term lists. There
have been over 252,000 page views and over 14,800 page edits. Already
Conservapedia has become one of the largest user-controlled free encyclopedias
on the internet. This site is growing rapidly.

Ahem, growing rapidly, yes thanks to the support to some of the bigger blogs out there. Who aren't making a mockery of the whole idea at all.

Conservapedia is a much-needed alternative to Wikipedia, which is
increasingly anti-Christian and anti-American.

Oh that wikipedia. I've heard that even some of the people who write and edit entries aren't even American! Thank you conservapedia for saving us.

The most viewed entry is a page on Examples of Bias in Wikipedia, such biases include,

1. Wikipedia allows the use of B.C.E. instead of B.C. and C.E. instead of A.D.
The dates are based on the birth of Jesus, so why pretend otherwise?
Conservapedia is Christian-friendly and exposes the CE deception.

2.The entry for the Renaissance in Wikipedia refuses to give enough credit to
Christianity.

and

5. Wikipedia often uses foreign spelling of words, even though most English speaking users are American. Look up "Most Favored Nation" on Wikipedia and it automatically converts the spelling to the British spelling "Most Favoured Nation", even there there are far more American than British users.

Oh no, millions of American children are at this minute learning how to spell things wrong. As well as thinking that Christianity isn't responsible for the good stuff in the world. Better get onto correcting that fast!

So, I looked up the recent changes to see what's going on and found amongst others, the entry for homosexuality, it starts with:

Homosexuality is a sexual attraction between members of the same sex. Lady homosexuals are known as "lesbians".

Nice and factual, no biases present, and they consider lesbians to be "ladies". Very openminded. Then we move straight onto Biblical Views on Homosexuality, with a bunch of bible quotes followed by:

The biblical proof that homosexuality is wrong is the fact that God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Lesbianism is also wrong, because God created Adam and Eve, not Madam and Eve. However, lesbianism is less evil than regular homosexuality, because no penises are involved.

And it's kind of hot. Anyway, it goes on about gay marriage, and "Supposed Homosexuality in Nature".

I'm sure there are more doozies out there, but there's plenty of future posts to be filled up with them. Just a note, in case you go browsing, and some of the entries sound so stupid that they just have to be a parody, then it's quite possible it's because they are, and it might take the editors to clean up the mess made by the naughty Un-american Gay Alliance who's mission it is to silence the truth.

What's good for the goose, is good for the... er... other goose.

They've done it! The people who brought us Father Daughter Purity Balls, have now come up with a male equivalent for young men and their mothers. Only this version is called and Integrity Ball, which does sound more manly.

And not a moment too soon. It's about time they expected chastity from boys as well. Surely if a girl keeps herself pure, swearing off sex until such time as she can get some guy to marry her, she deserves a shiny clean cock, unsullied by the extract of other woman, right? It's only fair.

Baker [ ] told them that while they might not believe it at the time, the
girl they may date in high school is probably not going to be the one they will
marry. “So you’re dating someone else’s future wife,” he told them. He also told
them that someone else may be dating their future wife.?”

Oh, silly me. Mustn't disappoint "someone" should we?

“If you knew somebody was with your future wife,” Baker asked them, “touching her in ways you wouldn’t like, pressuring her, how would that make you feel?”

Please think of the men! Some man might end up being married to that. But just in case the point hasn't been made clear enough, I'll let Jackie Detweiller, "an attractive 19-year-old young woman who is practicing abstinence" explain it more..

She told the tale of a person who had waited a long time to buy the car of
their dreams, but when the day arrived to drive it home, the dealer told them
that the steering had problems, that it had a lot of mileage on it, and had been
in a few wrecks.

Dear, the car analogy is a little bit old isn't it? Personally, as far as tired old metaphors go, I prefer the cow one...

How would you feel if you bought a cow, took it home from the shop and
found out it had been milked? You paid your own money for this cow,
and it had just given away milk like it was it's own to give!

Now, imagine that you met a cow who took it upon themselves to give you
their milk, and you went ahead and took it! Essentially you would be stealing
milk from another man. How would that make you feel, you milk stealer
you!

Moral of the story is, if you fuck a chick, make sure she's already a slut. Someone else already committed the property crime, and thus you are absolved.

Curtesy of others.

The mind, it just boggles...

I'm spending this Wednesday with God, which I've rather neglected of late. To those of you unfamiliar with my work of old, it's when I pick a random bible verse and come up with a few different interpretations of it. For example...

John 18:26... "One of the servants of the high priest, being his kinsman
whose ear Peter cut off, saith, Did not I see thee in the garden with him? 18:27
Peter then denied again: and immediately the cock crew."

a) Er, some guys are in a garden together, one of them who had his ear cut off by some perverted cunt and they're acting as if it's just some matter of fact thing, and a rooster crows. I'm sorry but what kind of sick fuck cuts someone's ear off? That's just not normal.

b) Sorry, all I can think of is porn, and some pretty sick stuff too.

c) He he, he said "cock crew".

Add yours in comments if you wish.

Now for the fun part, adding tags.

Sexual chaos makes the baby Jesus cry.

Are you part of the problem?

From One More Soul. I think they don't like sex too much. Or they don't like it unless it's done to make brand new souls for Jesus. I think this is supposed to scare the young sluts out there into good behaviour and quit undermining our civilization already, but I dunno, it almost makes me wistful for the old days before I became a born again virgin having non explicit web conversations with a man far away. Hmmm, tempting. Maybe I'll just start a punk band and call it Sexual Chaos. That should do for now.

Found via Feministing. I don't find this shit myself folks.

Haven't done this for a while..

But, it's the end of year, Jesus is having a birthday, so I thought I'd resurrect it.

It's Wednesday. Time to pick a random verse from the Bible, present it without context, and give it 3 different translations, none of which have any resemblance to the original meaning. Here it is.

1 Corinth 3:8... "Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour."

a) Now that the tree has turned into a man, the man must go forth and toil, for hard work, and good behaviour, and eating 3 balanced meals a day will make you healthy, wealthy and wise.

b) Here in God's kingdom we believe in fairness. We're firm, to be sure, but we don't discriminate, everyone is equally assessed according to their actions during their lifetimes. So, for example if you led your life being an open minded, charitable individual who let people live their lives their own way as long as they weren't hurting anyone, who helped out those less fortunate, or even adopted a child who had nobody else and brought them up as your own, with your co-habiting partner you're obviously going to burn in hell you stinking faggot. If on the other side, you worked hard, made money (quite cleverly using the labour of those in 3rd world countries) voted for the right party, supported all the right wars, and instead of letting people free to go on their sinful ways preached, and supported laws against, and even violently assaulted those who sin against god, then you're not only getting into Heaven, you've reserved yourself a mansion in our most exclusive district.

c) God created everything. Even the trees and even the people. The trees and the people are not the same thing however, so don't get them confused. I know sometimes a guy just standing there in the garden not moving, who has a bit of a green complexion can look kind of plantish, but don't water him. It won't do him any good and may aggravate him.

I've been away for a while. How did I do?