The mind, it just boggles...

I'm spending this Wednesday with God, which I've rather neglected of late. To those of you unfamiliar with my work of old, it's when I pick a random bible verse and come up with a few different interpretations of it. For example...

John 18:26... "One of the servants of the high priest, being his kinsman
whose ear Peter cut off, saith, Did not I see thee in the garden with him? 18:27
Peter then denied again: and immediately the cock crew."

a) Er, some guys are in a garden together, one of them who had his ear cut off by some perverted cunt and they're acting as if it's just some matter of fact thing, and a rooster crows. I'm sorry but what kind of sick fuck cuts someone's ear off? That's just not normal.

b) Sorry, all I can think of is porn, and some pretty sick stuff too.

c) He he, he said "cock crew".

Add yours in comments if you wish.

Now for the fun part, adding tags.

Yes, but can she still act?

One of these days I'm gonna move to New York.

Teen girl #1: So, I heard that this porn star had, like, lung cancer and had to, like, have part of her lung removed.
Teen girl #2: Damn, that sucks. Is she, like, always out of breath?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, and she, like, can't talk that much either 'cause she can hardly breathe.
Teen girl #2: But isn't she a porn star? When she like, you know, has an orgasm, how can she make those loud noises? Her career is so over.
Teen girl #1: Maybe she has a ventriloquist.
Teen girl #2: No way. That'd only work if she was a guy and it was gay porn, 'cause, I mean, who's ever heard of a girl ventriloquist?

--Deli, 42nd St

I'm sure there's one somewhere.

Family Fun

Evolution, schmevolution!

Can you believe people swallow that hogwash! The things people will fall for. Read on to find out the truth.

The Origins of Life

Once upon a time, God was sitting up there in Heaven (which was all there was at the time), jerking off, thinking, "this is getting boring, I need some entertainment." So, being God, he created some. He created a man, a splendid fine, specimen of manhood, (it was in his own image after all) and sat back and watched. Then he thought, "you know, one thing about porn is you need surroundings, you know, a theme." So he created a lovely, aesthetically pleasing garden, which would be of attractive to an individual of His kind of calibre. "Nice, he thought!" After a few hours/days whatever of watching Adam run around with his wang out, he got bored again, (Creator of the Universe you know, it takes a lot to keep his mind stimulated). So he created Eve, a raven haired beauty for Adam to bone. "Now that's more like it" said God while furiously pleasuring himself. Well, even that wasn't enough for God, the finicky bastard. He got bored again, he wanted something a little more hardcore. So he thought of introducing animals. He made a whole bunch, and made Adam give them all names, kinky stuff like dog, cow, giraffe etc, but that's about as far as it went. Until he met the serpeant. Now the serpeant was different to the other animals, slinky, slithery with a kind of evil streak. God liked that dude, and He thought that this animal should have a bit more shall we say, interaction with his human subjects. He communicated directly with the serpeant and got him to go and have some wierd little episode with Eve. He went and tempted Eve, who then tempted Adam and they had some wierd threesome with an apple and a tree. Then God yawned again, realised he really preferred lesbian porn and destroyed the whole thing, leaving his people to go out into the world to fend for themselves. Something from that great wholesome classic, the bible.

Now you know.

And for those hardened Mutant Cat devotees who've seen this before, (again and again), give me a break, my ideas are few and far between and if I want to milk them for all they are work I am going to milk! Ok.