Bye bye 2020

2020 is such a good looking set of numbers. Its a shame the year has sucked so much. It started bad and is ending awfully, atrociously, for the world and for me personally.

I have no hope for 2021. Things wilk just get worse.

I've been listening to and (poorly)singing this song a lot lately.


I was playing it too and getting quite good but alas I have no  guitar on which to play it now.


Dark Times

Tonight is the night when the spirits and the humans can walk among one another, or so some lore says. I won't be out because we have a curfew. A fucking curfew! I may have said the same thing back in the spring when this was all happening the first time round. I don't know, I've ceased caring about things.

Back then this country was one of the safer ones, with regard to this whole pandemic, there were rules and laws that enough people followed to keep things relatively under control. 

Then it was all over. Things opened up, people went out, stopped wearing masks. Now we're the worst in Europe. It's all shutting down again, businesses have gone under, I've run out of money though I haven't actually had any for the whole year and it's all coming back. Except I don't care. I've stopped caring about anything because all it does is aggravate, and here I am.

From the little I've been forced to pay attention to things around me it seems as though people are a bit less vigilant about the whole keeping safe thing than they were first time around. I think everyone's just bored of it. 

Worst thing is I've almost run out of tv. I've been watching a lot and they've stopped making as much of it, I'm going to run out soon and I may be forced to think about stuff which I'm not looking forward to. If I'm out on the street by then none of this will mattet, of course.


Through September under the weather..

Still here. Still literally here in the same dump. Things got a bit better about a month ago. This is true for me, for this place I live and for the whole world it seems. 

I got my job back, at reduced hours and wages, then it stopped for reasons not entirely related to the shutdown. Then everything shut down again. Prospects are dim again with a future that's even less certain than it was. 

I find myself in the exact position I was months ago, with more reason to worry but less mental energy to give a shit about it all. 

Whatever, when I'm literally out on my ass I'll figure out what I can do. Right now I'm cleaned out, I've got nothing.


Big Fat Wall of Nothing

This is what I'm faced with every morning. The same nothing I've slammed up against almost every day since this new era started.

I'm unemployed (technically employed but by a company that shut down, then resumed limited operations which employed some people which are not me, and still hasn't paid out the final wages from March) destitute and desperate. I'm looking for work and failing. I apply for any old crap that any fuckwit can do and guess what? There's at least one fuckwit who isn't worthy of even a response to an application. That would be me.

But there's more nothing. The bank account. Some help I got (or have had attempted to send?) is not arriving. It was going to be slow and now it's taking longer because of post or something. Post, in the age of internet. Why it's iinvolved I don't know but it's bringing me nothing.

Oh I did get a film role, to play a 60 year old woman. Yeah, the student (fucking 20 year olds!) acknowledged that I'm a bit younger than the character but we could do  it with clothes and a little makeup. A little.

Then she decided to go with someone a bit more suitable for the role. So I'm back to nothing. 


No News

Today is day 202 of 2020

Here's a picture.


I'm afraid it's going to get a bit negative here..

Just for a change.

It's raining, and very cold for July, especially in this rapidly burning up earth. I'm feeling kind of chilled, after coming home earlier from a completely pointless jaunt to the bank to try and find out where my originally sent to the wrong location bank card had been returned to. I still don't know after mang phone calls, attempted phone calls, email and facebook message. That was the irritating part of the day.

The truly awful part of the day started later. Our landlords have been truly awful of late..
and YES WE OWE BACK RENT BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE THERE WAS/IS A GLOBAL PANDEMIC WHICH SHUT THE COUNTRY DOWN!!!! Both residents of this abode depend on industries that are particularly affected by this i.e the tourist industry, and we have been paying along the way just not enough to catch up yet. 

Oh and my company has resumed operations, just on the weekends with a skeleton staff... which I found out when I saw the big red buses and our guys with our red umbrellas with my own eyes... they don't have work for me, only 2 tours a day done by one person (I mean I'm one fucking person aren't I?) and they don't have money to pay us for the last week we worked in March. Well they have money but they need it for investment. I mean I just need money for rent and food, and the other things that us plebs squander it all on, so it's all understandable.

So we owe rent. I did some work for them, not well received but I did it, and we've been paying a daily amount that she calculated, and trying to scrounge for money every day. Not a convenient system nor one conducive to letting someone get an actual job which actually pays weekly or monthly after you've been working for a while but such things don't bother her. 

Today we don't have the money. And she had no interest in giving a few days before the next payment, no, money today or we're out.

Well that didn't happen. At least I think it didn't. We may have been saved by someone she respects slightly reasoning with her, her own disclination to be bothered in the night and the rain or.. I think that's it.

So safe for now. Tomorrow is another day. And days start very early around here.


A Square

The back and forth between imminent doom and just scraping by continues. As that rumbles along in the background, here's a picture I took today.


Get Me Outta Here

2020, despite the elegant symmetry of the date, has not been good to me. It started poorly, went downhill from there and the rest is a strange time in history which we all, everywhere on this earth have experienced together. 

The pandemic has been hard on me, as I've explained enough for to be nearing "ad nauseum" levels and it isn't getting better. 

My life has been a mediocre catastrophe, that is deeply stressful, always on the edge of destitution, but in a really boring way that's not worthy of writing a novel about. And it's not getting better.

July decided to slap me in the face, with me being roped into servitude for my landlord, doing jobs that were not properly explained, that the tools were not provided for and that I didn't feel confident doing. So I did a poor job which I was reminded of repeatedly, nevertheless I was expected to be on call for this work I was not (apparently) capable of barely getting done.

I did that until the showdown. Not with me, I'm a pathetic appeaser who lets people treat me like that, but I'm not the only one who lives here. Not everyone puts up with shit like that. And that was it, we were more fucked than before. 

So I spent the night talking on the phone, fielding intrusive questions (how much do you think your work is worth? Zero apparently) and how much do you think you owe (well no more than half of what you claim fuck face) and generally panicking. 

Then everything got saved, some friends talked to her, helped out a bit, and danger was averted. For now.

What I really want is a miracle. Some (realistic) good fortune or help is not going to get rid of this shit now, and once and for all.. so I'm afraid only a miracle will do. How exactly do I get one of those?