Ah.. them holidays.

It's Easter Sunday and I'm about to maybe bother to paint some eggs. I'll have to do it like, with a paintbrush and everything so who knows if I'll actually do it. Maybe I'll just draw faces on them.

Just got back from rehearsal for a show that on in like.. *gulps* 2 weeks. Are we ready? Well.. it's not for 2 weeks is it? So no, not ready. On the way there it snowed. Lightly, for a short time but it snowed.. and on spring holiday thing of the year #.. 2 or something. Can you believe it? Of course the trams and metros are all fucked up as they are sometime and particularly when you need to get places that need 2 or more modes of transport to get to.. and it's unseasonably cold and even though you know it you still can't bring yourself to dress like it's really winter, and you're wearing your comfy move around clothes.. and anyway I took a bus the long way and it took fucking FOREVER... but I was on time, I mean I was only as late as everyone else was.

And, it seems as if I'm moving on. Changing work, changing, well work not much else. Everything else is much as it has been.

Happy Easter!

I just want my life.. er space back.

You know, I'm almost getting used to this, this 3 humans 1 cat household, as opposed to the usual 2 humans 1 cat.. I have to make myself think about it to really think about it, it's just, how it is now. After a few weeks, almost a month, maybe a month.. it feels like something just always was, and will be for a long time still.

There are times when I make myself think about it, which makes me think about it and it makes me think of the lesser problems of this situation. I mean, I think of the parts that are most bothersome, ever present even when I'm not really thinking about it, but sometimes I'm reminded of the subtle ways things changed around here. Not having my own, our own space. It stops you from doing things, or makes it more difficult when if you're me that pretty much means you won't. This is the biggest problem.. so many things.. ok, maybe one or even 2 things.. not getting done.. because.. because well.

I want things to move on.

Change is in the air..

I mean, in general. Things change. Not in particular now, I mean, not that I know of at the moment. I just started rehearsing for this play, and have form an officially official kinda sorta production company (giggles a little at the thought of calling it that, but why not) and I plan to change other things at some point but if anyone has read more than one of my posts you know that that means extremely little..

um, where was I again. Oh yeah, change. You know when you have people staying at your place, and you mention it saying jeez it's been a while already, wonder how long this will be, and this person, every time you say.. it's not that bad really.. he's not being as annoying as he can be, he comes back, or gets here completely fucking drunk and is every bit as annoying as.. etc etc... and that was already a week ago? Well that hasn't changed.

The more.. the merrier.

Or so they say. Those "they" again.. they sure say a lot, some of it profound, some of it, sensible, some of it witty. A lot of it is utter bullshit, however, this one can be true. Of course, it depends on the situation, the more can be the crappier in some situations.. like say, in a home that's just right for 2, and specifically the particular people who live there, choose to live there together, get on for the most part and have their particular shit sorted out so they can cohabit quite comfortably.. and then you bring a 3rd into the mix. Someone you both know quite well.. particularly one of you. So far it's alright, and actually the person is less of a fucking pain than this person is somewhat wont to be.. and anyway it's just for the night.. yeah they say that but we know it's going to be longer, maybe 2 or 3.

Then 2 or 3 nights go by.. still there. Things start to change, the less of a fucking pain becomes more of a fucking pain until it is near to equaling the level said character is famous for. Keys leave for longer than intended, or hoped, leaving one stuck... someone is always there.. slurring their words more and more as the day goes by..

of course, when you're a weak kind of person who drinks too much anyway, but is even more inclined to drink if there's so much as someone who brings beer.. and once you have one you have another and a shot, and another, it's not great, with this particular kind of person.. ie one who brings beer, either.

*nurses headache*

I'd use this as an excuse as to why I haven't done half of, will any of the things I wanted to.. filming and stuff, because there's someone around, but instead I'll just explain how it's sort of a problem but I'm above giving blame although you can clearly see where the blame lies..

I could live with all of this, I could, and I can.. well I am.. but if I sit down right in the toilet bowl again in the middle of he night.. I might get just a tiny bit vexed with the whole situation.

Happening, it is.

Finally got a date for a rehearsal of this play thingy I'm in.. which I'd already twice begun to think wasn't even going to happen due to long periods of silence but.. there's a rehearsal which is at the same time as another training session I'm supposed to be at for something that I've already learned and I already know but gee doesn't it make me look busy!

And well.. this funk is slowly.. er.. stopping. Warming up, stuff going on, actually getting outside every now and again.. um, thinking about filming more stuff and getting more stuff ready for filming ok I'm pretty much on exactly the same page as I always am with that but still... maybe I'll actually do a bit of something at some point.

I like that it's warmer. And that it snowed a little bit.

Moving on.

So, the play. It's like official. Had the first meeting about it, with as many of the cast as could make it, yesterday. Woo hoo. It's happening. Don't start rehearsals til Feb, and there won't be so much for me as my role is one of the smaller ones, but I'm doing something!!!!

Now.. I need to work more on my stuff, this is what I've decided will be my big thing this year.. I am in one play, but there is no guarantee I'll be in anything more than that.. though if I do well in this, it may plunge my career into.. well.. doing a few more things than I've done recently, which would be fucking awesome... I'm still rather hyped, as far as I'm all excited about having it, not so much in the planning and writing and organizing and actually doing it part of doing it, but it's what I want.. lots and lots so.

Stay er.. tuned here, I spose.

Let's wait and see.

So, had an audition on the weekend. Probably could have been more prepared, definitely could have done better. I'll be rather surprised if I hear back from the peole at all but who knows.. there's a lot of bodies in this play and I might be invited to be part of a chorus or something... but I won't know until, who knows.

There's some other stuff going on, which I may or may not get in some way involved in.

That's all really.

There used to be a horse round here.. wasn't there?

So.. was almost doing ok for a bit, and then I went and fucked up again...

well, it's a small-ish thing. I had something rather important, well, an opportunity that is few and far between for me, and I was too unwell to go.

My fault. Yesterday I made the mistake of going and meeting a friend for "a beer" and well.. it turned into 2 beers, which is what I blurred to Erik later that night, not that I remember telling him, and it even seems strange to me that I would claim that, drunk as I must have been.

So I had one of my awful hangovers today and was unable to go.

Oh and I've given up on something else, a small thing but for the past 3 months I've been trying to make at least one video every day. Nothing special, most of the time it's something extremely dull just to get one done for the day, but I didn't manage it for September, or October, and now I missed a day in November and well.. it was a pathetic attempt to say I've achieved something anyway, mostly a way to get used to filming more stuff but it didn't really work, so now I'll just concentrate on filming quality stuff when I have the time and inclination. Maybe that will work better.

Now I have to get work on some audition monologues.. I want to not fuck up at least one of these things coming up.

Not due for 24 more days but..

sometimes, when I'm just sitting here, or on the tram, or doing the dishes or something that doesn't require much thought.. I start pondering my own life, myself, my personality, my habits.. all that stuff, and I get to thinking.. fuck, I'm so fucking immature. I can't believe I'm a fucking grown up. I mean, I know a lot of people are youthful, immature, stuff like that, and it's typical to not be as "mature" as people of the same age as their parent's generation but..

It's as if I usually think of myself as if from afar, and I see the outline, what my values are, as a person who cares about stuff, and has ambition (sorta, even the far away me can't claim that one too much) and then I think of my day to day life, the things I worry about going on about typical stuff and...

it's not really me. I'm terribly juvenile really. I mean even the outline of me is, well.. not very responsible, don't have much job experience or a career to speak of, haven't achieved a whole lot really.. and, at this point it's unlikely there ever will be much of that.. and well, what do I do with my time while not achieving much? I would like to say I work on furthering my own ambitions, or making the world a better place in some way.. something I do care about quite deeply (sort of) as far as it involves not doing so much.. but no, not doing any of that. What I spend most of my time on is.. wasting time, to put it vaguely. Yeah, it pretty much all falls under that umbrella.

Just saying.

Exorcised.

I shouldn't talk so soon but.. everything appears fine. Demon gone. There was a brief period where we thought this was going to be a long and bloody battle, the maintenance dude from the building came last night, I was out, working.. not the best night but not the point right now... and I came home and everything was apparently ok, with a date for him to come again today.

Well this morning the demon was back, if less ferociously and only briefly, then I get a visit from the neighbour downstairs about the water dripping from our flat into hers...

so.. maintenance dude came again, fiddled around, took the toilet out and put it in the hall.. and then came with another dude.. I'm assuming a specialist dude.. and they fiddled around a bit.. left, came back and finished it. Cooley was not pleased with all this.

Anyway, now, so far, all seems good. I am crossing all crossables though.. and even if this is fine it doesn't mean that other shit isn't fucked up.. now I have something work related to worry about, have to sit through a scolding, possibly.. I dunno, probably will keep the job for a while but you never know.. something to do with the clusterfuck of last night, which for the most part was not my fucking fault but I had to deal with disgruntled people all the same imho... I mean, I'm totally prepared to deal with whatever the outcome of this is but.. if I get criticized.. I know I'll cry.. and I don't want to hear it. I wish for at least one minute I could be free of stuff sucking.. at least really bad of course there'll always be plenty of things that suck at least a bit, but if I can just have.. a small break, from majorly sucky things.. I would quit grumbling! At least for the minute during which nothing sucks. Too much to ask I spose.

Progress!

I did it! I did the stuff.. well one of the things I planned to do today.. you know those things that should have been done a month or longer ago? Well I planned to do some today, and did one, and possibly even 2 of them.

I should feel satisfied about that because it might be a while before I get to feel this about anything again.

I also have the night off.. I like that even better.

Pretty much out of excuses..

I think.

So.. been a big year, new job, move, trip.. yeah, lots o stuff. It's always something, a reason not to get off my ass and get out there all pushy with agents and theatre companies and all that.. do more of my own thing, re film making, get this house looking like something grownups would live in.

Well.. we only moved in May, and it's a lot of work to move, as you may understand. and I had this new job, and all this training.. then we went to Canada, which took a lot of money and planning..

and then we came back and.. er.. I had this film, and more work and..

well.. I mean. Yeah I'm bored and life is meaningless and I have little to do except for go to work some evenings and there probably won't be another film very soon (especially if I don't get out there and promote) and we won't be going anywhere for a long time so...

I should do stuff.. I spose.

*tries desperately to think of another reason not to go through the effort of getting stuff in order*

Get back to you on that one.

Brilliant timing!

So.. leaving in... um.. tomorrow! Jeez.. and still have tons of stuff to do.. packing, cleaning, planning, shopping, and I've got a cool freebie thing to pick up which.. ok, it's good, it's really something I shouldn't grumble about but fuck.. I don't have the time, and can you believe there was a fucking transport strike yesterday! Well.. trams ran but few and far between and very packed, so it wasn't the most ideal situation for transporting stuff, or for getting to work for that matter, or for getting a bunch of tourists up to the castle...

The tour turned out alright, we got a tram and it was only seriously packed for one stop.. and after that, it was nice, spent a bit too much time int he brewery pub but so, the tour went over a bit and people seemed to like it. It didn't rain until afterwards when I was walking from the office to the tram stop.. with the monitor, and it didn't start getting heavy until I was just about to the stop, and a few seconds before I got myself to a bit of shelter. Then it stormed. Briefly.. well the storm ended and indeed it stopped raining before the tram came, and that's not only because of the weird weather we've been having, it took about half an hour to come. What was particularly vexing was that there were like, 2 number 9s that came before a 22 did. Yes, I need the 22.

So.. weird day, but overall ok, I spose. Now, to embark upon today. Still tons of shit to do, shit to bring home, heavy stuff.. packing.. etc etc etc. Jeez.

It's gaining on us..

Off for a big adventure again in just 3 days. On Saturday we're going to Berlin to spend a few days before going to London where we hopefully get to spend 4-6 hours in the city and then fly to Vancouver. Then we have a wedding and bat mitvah and a bunch of dinners and hopefully some seeing of the city and surrounding environs.

I really should get some sleep, but there's packing, cleaning, making sure all loose ends are tied together.. not forgetting anything, editing videos and uploading.. oh, did i mention? I finally uploaded something from that stuff I've been talking about for ages. Well.. the beginning portion, the intro that leads to the main part of what I'm doing so.. well here it is. I mean.. not much, the quality's bad, the sound is bad, I had to edit it in youtube's editor because when I converted the weird file the video was taken in everything was out of sync and.. well anyway, editing is average at best, but whatev.

So.. I really need to be doing stuff, proper stuff like, ya know, getting ready.

Why.. just why

So much to do.. so much.. stuff. Planning, packing, cleaning.. I have to work later and I'm not up to any of it. So far I've done.. well none of it. I was forced, positively forced to be out late last night, to watch some hockey game.. ok I could have come home but I finished work late and felt like staying out and having a beer, then we went up to the bar with the game on and.. well, that goes for 3 hours and I had to have enough beers to fill up all that time.. while drinking quickly of course.

And so here I am, getting nothing done.

A boring and meaningless ramble about stuff

Been busy. I might have mentioned that, or something to that nature, once or twice. Mostly with work, well with work, haven't had much else to do at all, and if I have I haven't done it. So June is suddenly summer, busy season, a few people left and/or on holiday and someone just got sick so I'm working almost every night doing 2 shifts, that is unless I'm doing the 3 hour (sometimes turning into 4 hour) Castle tour.. which is enough.

So.. I'm rushing around like a.. busy person, some of the time. Other times I'm just waiting around. I seem to do a lot of both of these things.. you see, this first tour we have of a night, and it depends on which shifts we're doing, but the 2 tours that are on these times are those that, how shall I say it.. NOBODY EVER BLOODY SHOWS UP FOR! One of them is the infamous bridge tour which I've done like 3 times since starting this gig, and the other is a new one which is as yet unknown.. so I go and wait, get no tour for the first one.. so I've got an hour and a half, to wander around, sit around.. just hang around... bit noyin, but not so bad, but I'm going to run out of ways to amuse myself if this keeps up.

Then I get a tour later, and it's usually like 16 people, which is a little less fun and a little more like work.. so if the people would just.. you know, like split themselves up? One with 6 and the other 9? That would be just fine. Please do that in future people.

Well.. this is all very boring and I had more to say before but I forgot it all.. the last few days has been a jumble of slightly crazy stuff. Went to the theatre the other night.. for the first time in 6 months or something.. got to keep myself in the scene, sort of thing, or I've been trying but so far it's done not much.. well.. haven't been doing it much.. then I have a no tour/tour night, the second one was kind of fucked up, I mean.. a little, not hugely so, and I finish about midnight and meet Erik and we go and see a hockey game of all things. well, this team is in the finals you see, so off we go to this pub and who do I see but some people in the cast of the show I'd seen the night before.. they're shooting a movie, of all things, right after doing a show too.. this annoys me a little and I whine to myself about how they get to do so much stuff when I'm doing nothing, but I hang out a bit.. talking to them about stuff and would like to hang with the film people more, but I go back to the sport people.. loyalty you know. It wasn't bad, the game... didn't pay attention but the revelry around it was fun. They won by the way, the right team that is.

So yeah... stayed out until well after daylight.. and yesterday got up at about a normal hour, so I was dreadfully tired but.. still had to do the two tours, or the show up for one to wait around then do a later tour thing... and now I need to work tomorrow again cos one of the guides is sick... I'm on like.. 6 days in a row! Can you imagine!

Hey, where'd everyone go?

phew!

*pants and stuff*

*starts grumbling about how one is doing o so much work and now has to work tomorrow too*

*feels all important and superior due to aforementioned work*

*types stuff*

*splits sides*

Went to some comedy night last night. Sort of an amateur do... people get up and do their thing and we vote on who's best. I went mostly to catch up with some people and hopefully meet new people in the theater world here in Prague and that's mostly what I did. Had fun.. mostly for that rather than for the "comedy".. yes, we were pretty badly behaved and not so supportive of these, admittedly very brave souls who got up and did something that's pretty fucking frightening that I would never do.. and actually there were some good bits and overall they weren't bad, but... really.. the state of stand up comedy today.. something I know shit all about but will wax on at length about, is fucking pretty poor.. and it isn't the fault of these guys who are int he early days of what they're doing so might improve considerably.. for one.. but.. fuck, the same old shit, pick on the same subjects.. nothing new, nothing said in an interesting or funny way... for the most part.. and if you say.. um, that's fucked up, or that's not funny, or, you're not very good well everyone's like.. "omg you can't like have an opinion or anything arrrggghhhh.. don't take it personally"

well there was a small incident, some people at my table got up and told some dude on stage that what he said was sorta fucked up.. in a very mild way and took his beer.. I thought it was mildy amusing, not something I'd do but no big deal.. really..

well, we got told off at the table more than once.. one guy came up and said "you can't take these things personally".. and I, quite calmly, I think, though loudly because it was necessary to be heard, just said that.. actually, you can't demand that people have the reaction you say they have.. people can take it how they like.. and this guy immediately widened his eyes and started hyperventilating.. (ok exaggerating a little there but seriously.. quite close) and said.. jeez.. calm down, chill out.. omg female person saying something that isn't o you're so right dudely dude I'm so sorry can I suck your dick for you?".... and kept on with the I'm being totally crazy and angry by like.. saying something..

and I didn't even get "mad" at the "chill out" comment.. which was.. as you know.. a totally fucked up thing to say in any situation, and especially since I was actually more chill than his pathetic little offended ass was... I just made fun of it.. of him for being so stupid as to fucking say it.. I mean.. seriously.

Later some other dudes came to the table to tell the girl who'd got up off for laughing at somebody else and that they were watching her.. you know.. to try and get a "gotcha" moment.. looking all smug and whiny.. telling us very nasally how wrong we all were for like.. existing and stuff..

so.. yeah. It was quite fun. I should totally get up myself and do something (at least equally poor) next time.. but I won't. I'm too fucking scared to. So.. props to the people who got up to do something, there was some good shit in there.. just.. fucking deal with it when someone has a reaction to what you do.. that's all. Even girls get to have a say sometimes.. kay?

Weekends are good.

They're especially good when you don't have to actually you know.. work, or do tons of other stuff on the days that are allocated as weekends for the general population.. as I had to yesterday *makes frowny face*

I know.. waaaa.. lots of people work on the weekends, and I do precious little the rest of the week.. but I kind of like the deal where you do precious little if anything most of the week ie "the working week", but without the headaches that come along with not actually doing a whole lot but having a few stresses about it all the same oh shit it's a long story just go with me here.. and actually making really good money for it... it being, not much at all, with no related stresses..

and still getting a weekend, that is not working Saturday, Sunday or public holidays.. and getting a few weeks holiday on top of that.. where you somehow get miraculously paid anyway..

is it too much to ask? Yeah.. I spose. Anyway.. one thing I did yesterday was quite relaxing and an artistic thing so I should be well pleased with that.. and my tour went well.. and by well I mean considering I had someone translating all through it, and those people took off before the end of the tour, someone else making notes, a guy who just had a glazed over totally bored look on the face who came across someone he knew so stopped us even though I was running a bit late.. and the owner followed the tour to see how I'm getting on... it went ok. At least she thought so and that's the main thing. So that's good. I can halfway relax for a while.. until I have another 3 hour tour, the Castle tour which I'm still new at and a bit rusty on the material which is Tuesday but you know the life of us workers is a constant grind. Long after regular folk have gone home from their work.. and on weekends even.. I'm out there, walking over hills, taking people into dangerous and haunted places.. but I don't complain, it's just what I do.

Settling in, doing stuff, not doing other stuff.

Getting used to this living in this new place thing, still a bit of a shambles but ya know... it gets better.

Doing a fair bit of stuff which in my case is "anything at all", involved with some interesting video thing, which I went to a rehearsal for this morning. Still working, studying new scripts (or meant to be) and doing tests for the new scripts.

And speaking of video stuff, and scripts, and doing stuff well more the not doing stuff.. what about all the stuff I said I'd do? Oh.. you probably don't know what I'm talking about.. well there was all this stuff I said I'd do. More acting.. get myself out there bla bla bla, make my own movies, videos, write stuff for movies, videos, etc etc etc. I kinda sorta planned for this month to be a big doing that sort of stuff month, or rather the point where I start getting serious and sit down every day and write something, or film something, and make a list of casting agencies and well a lot of stuff I haven't done. The moving got in the way, yes.. and I sort of forgot about it all but really.. Tuesday that was all done and though there is a lot to be sorted out and cleaned in here, I really haven't been doing so much of that either.

So.. at some point I plan to do all that stuff, give myself a schedule so I stick to it, or something like that. Soon I hope. I hope but don't expect. I probably should at least aspire to doing it properly.. if nothing else.