Yep.. it makes a difference.

So just got back from another casting.. for the student films which I am often-ish a part of. Did the same a month ago which yielded pretty good results... of course, a particularly low turnout then so.. that can explain how that all happened.

And here I thought it was cos I was so damn.. well good. Doesn't matter, I was bloody good in the movies I was in and I have those to show for now.. today I was thrust into a pretty harrowing kind of scene.. here I am prepared to do something silly and goofy.. but whatevs.. I don't know if I was good.. I wasn't bad, not really bad.. but it remains to be seen if I was good enough, look right and if there isn't someone else just a bit righter for any of these movies...

would be good to be in one.. apart from for the obvs reasons I can get a start on practicing my big crew job next month... driving a lot of people crazy in the process but.. ya know.

If nothing else it was nice to get picked to do something youngish even if it was just as a placeholder.. after being cast as a mother and all that last month. It probably doesn't mean anything but.. it's still a moment of joy for me.

Should I, should I or should I?

I never know whether I should do these things. I mean.. I know I should, but then again, is there a point, should I bother, will it more hinder than help me? I go over and over and debate it in my mind, and the temptation to go the lazy route is extremely strong with me, so any push in the "don't do anything" direction usually spells an end to any chance the thing had.

I really really don't want to end up not doing for a measly reason like the printer wouldn't work because I can't install the driver because this comp doesn't have a cd drive and getting it online is impossible well not impossible but making it work seems well nigh impossible and can't get it sorted out because I'm out so much going to class and "rehearsing" during the times I could use the other comp to get the cd stuff onto a usb thingy... and therefore can't print out the monologue I need to learn which makes it difficult although not impossible and to be honest not all that difficult to do it..

I mean that would be a really poor excuse wouldn't it? And I'd quite like the printer to work in general, really. I also need to print out a resume for this thing, and ideally should have a head shot which I don't have but it probably wouldn't matter all that much.

I'll see.

I'm not just sitting here talking to the cat..

It's day 2 o my home alone stint #3, and far from sitting here wasting time and letting the place get progressively messier, I already did something. Interacted with other people. I went out!

It was to a casting, of all absurd things.. for some bla bla bla bla bla, doesn't matter what it's for, but I went to it. I saw one person I know who I was in one of my first (student) films with. Since then I've seen him many times over the years and sometimes he's been completely unaware he ever met me before and other times has remembered me. Today he looked over and said hi with that "I know you" look and said "long time no see". I didn't think it necessary to point out that I saw him at a casting for some voice work 2 months ago, at which it appeared he didn't recognize me.

The thing they're doing sounds pretty good and it would be great if I got it, but I won't. My audition was average, to put it politely. And of course I always think that and I always say that, and apart from the fact that there's no evidence to point to me being wrong about that, the response I got after it was noticeably different from the response after the woman before me did the same scene. They asked her questions like they were actually interested in knowing the answers, and with mine it seemed like they were going through the motions and would rather have not bothered with it.

Oh well.. I'll try to put it out of my mind so I won't be too disappointed when inevitably I hear either nothing, or a very polite "nah, sorry".. which I'll feel regardless so I just have to focus on other stuff.

um...