JMG

January is a shit month. It's winter, it's the wind down after the festive season, it's back to work time, it's dark all the time, except for where it isn't but it is here so there.

It's just shit. Crap month, everyone's depressed, everything downhill. It's the 31st today which means it ends tomorrow, technically in 8 1/2 hours in my time zone. It'll all be over, it will be gone. For another year.

So that will be it, except reality isn't really like that, and when things are shit and a new epoch begins it doesn't necessarily mean things will somehow start to shine it just means that even more time has gone since you've earned any money and all the stuff you auditioned or applied for that you hoped would be replied to by the end of the month is officially not happening  and that it's time for the utilities to be sorted out (or not if you can't sort them out because it's so long since you've earned money) and it's time, I mean really time this time, not time like the other times when you said it was time to actually get off your ass and get shit done not like the other times and getting off your ass isn't only deeply unpleasant it's proving to be utterly ineffective and a wall of rejection well not even rejection just blank space is greeting you and the outlook for the future looks dimmer as every minute passes. At least it does if you're me and I am so it is.

Anyway, I've been in kind of a funk, in case you didn't notice.

On it's way out.

I've had a personal battle with the month of January for the last few years here on this blog. It's due to the fact that January is generally shit, it's boring, it's grey, and just in general bleh. The past few Januaries in particular have, in fact sucked. Then February would come and honestly didn't get much better, and often specifically crappy stuff happened, and on with March, etc. So, usually things suck, whatever month it is, plus greyness.. darkness.. end of revelries etc etc etc. This January has been in that way like all others, in that it has been fucking awful. It's been different than the others as well, it's been particularly shit, and shittier than any other month, January or otherwise that I've experienced for years. Not all of it, some of it was vaguely pleasant, but it started unpleasant, stayed just plain boring for a while, got slightly interesting but really nothing all that great to be honest and then everything went to shit in a spectacular way. JMG! I say, and have said for many years, there's barely 5 hours left of it and good fucking riddance! Unfortunately, this year more than ever the transitioning of the months won't make a damn bit of difference other than to make things why yes.. even worse, so thank you, um, universe. The shit that went down wasn't the kind that flares up, is really bad for a bit, then simmers down and is kind of bad and eventually disappears.. no, it's the kind of event, a revelation that tells you this is how it is, and this is how it's going to continue to be.. and actually later on it's going to be more like this. And starting tomorrow, in February, it's going to be more like this. And this, I completely fucking hate. It has been opined that it is a good thing, and I suppose in a way it is, but's the kind of good that's good for you rather than, you know, good.. sort of like broccoli, except I really like broccoli so it's not a very good example, more like, studying, exercise, doing taxes and sorting out bills. Things that I put off, and most of the time just don't plain do. When it can't be avoided, I ignore the reality that they exist for as long as I can. this is exactly what I'm trying to do now, but it's hard when reminders are being thrust into your face as you go along in your usual daily distractions, and there's that nagging feeling that you really should be doing stuff to get ready for this eventuality. So yeah.. um, JMG, and whatever.

Done!

As soon as I hit post.. and it posts successfully and nothing goes wrong after that like the post disappearing or the computer doesn't die or whatever, or something that stops this, what I'm writing now from actually being a post on the blog, without some major delay that makes it not post after midnight.. I'm done. I have, or will have (provided all that stuff I wrote up there, most of which isn't even a thing) succeeded. One post for every day of a month.. and a long 31 dayer too. If I achieve nothing else this year, I will have achieved that. That is of course if one of those things doesn't go wrong between now and then, er, some point before midnight. A round of applause for me please. I can ask fro that because you (that is the generic you, the blog reader) are reading this, it has been posted successfully therefore.. etc etc etc.. yadda yadda yadda ergo and all that. Not too many hours of Jan left at this point, and right at this moment the cough doesn't seem to bad, some stuff that almost freaked me out yesterday didn't turn out to be so bad, at least at this point I'm deciding that and another thing that isn't something that directly affects me but affects my household, I guess turned out to sound worse than it probably is not that I know what it is but, come on, it's not going to be all that bad, though still annoying. Oh and we're going out tonight and after midnight.. drinks allowed! Not that I've been denying myself alcohol this month as a rule, or that I probably won't drink before midnight, but still. So.. Feb is almost here and I know it won't make a difference, but it's still nice that it's happening. Oh yeah and I plan to go vegan for Feb, or I did plan. I should try to remember that. Anyway.. that's it for this... J. M. G.

Coming back to haunt me..

It's back again. That.. it. It hasn't been here since the very second it turned this year, except for 1pm every day but here it is.. just for a day. Dum da da dum... It's the 13th.. yeah, big deal I know but.. well, I have managed to write something for that many days and one does begin to run out of things to write which I did around day 3, and that's only if you count utterly pointless and stupid stuff where was I? oh yeah..

If was to be a super nerd about it which I will be just for the purpose of this entry, say there were more months in the year, at least 13, then this would be the 13th month of last year, making it 13.13.13.. triple whammy o triskaidaterror... and it's January, oh yeah and Monday.. and it was a grey dreary day. Some of it was anyway, maybe about an hour.. but that counts.

actually, today has been a perfectly average day, nothing spectacular but nothing really negative either so perhaps my interpretation is flawed. Or maybe it's just all utterly meaningless. Insert something very clever here which I thought of before while I was mixing rice with lentils as I was composing this in my head which I have now completely forgotten. If it comes back I'll let you know. And with that, it's a good night from me.

Eleven.

Days to go. Of this month. Nothing will change and if it does it won't be necessarily better, just cos it's not Jan anymore but.. it's good to have something to look forward to, no need to worry that there isn't actually such a thing until such time as it occurs. Or doesn't.

It's my way of coping and I'm sticking to it.

JMG!

Can we get it over with already...

Yeah.. Jan is being a pain in the proverbial... stupid things, little things that you just feel like a pissy little whiner when you whine about them but they're whine worthy... being scolded by employers, screen going all fuzzy and difficult to read, the spare hard drive er.. smoking, people still not giving me answers to questions and others hounding me for the answers to those questions, long planned projects going awry.. you know the sort of thing..well maybe you do.. you probably know things equally vexing..

I mean, I'm trying to convince myself it's just Jan... and in a little less than a week now things will become magically rosy... *waits*

20 Days Left.

20 more days and Jan will be over. Then, we can get on with stuff without stuff sucking so much. I surely do hope this hacking cough goes away considerably before the end of Jan.. like, 20 days earlier.. or so. Other stuff.. I can live with.. it's slow out there so there won't be so many tours, not the hugest tragedy tbph and really.. in past years, stuff hasn't improved so much on the 1st Feb, as far as I remember. Not that things really are that much crappier in January than other times of year.

Still.. JMG.

*grumbles, whines and moans*

JMG!

Yeah yeah, blah blah blah, 2012, new year.. whatever. Despite all the excitement of a new number to put after the 20, it's still the month of fucking January. Yes, the JMG campaign is back on... 28 days left of this shit, and I've already had enough!

So.. have a few hours after midnight of watching some fireworks, enjoying the spectacle, dancing a bit though they did have a really big stretch of totally sucky music at the 80s and 90s party.. after midnight of course, strike number 1 I guess that was.

The next day I woke up with a terrible pain in my neck, couldn't turn my head and couldn't move at all without hurting.. fortunately, someone covered my tour that night, so this particular strike wasn't as bad as it could have been, but still.

Was better yesterday, though it still hurt and I did work last night, thought it went ok, and it was relatively warm, and I was underground for this tour so I didn't think I was out in the cold too much, but still, after I got home I started to feel a tickle in my throat. I hoped it wouldn't lead to a full on sore throat, which leads to a general cold/flu, 4 or 5 days of coughing, sniffling, sneezing and feeling generally shit but after a night of not sleeping in which is got progressively worse, I got up with a really sore throat. And I have to work tonight, and it's a late tour, and it's outside in the Old Town, and it's colder again today.

Jan Must Go.

*holds breath and hopes to last for 3 hours and 58 minutes*

*gasps*

*breathes*

Ok so I lasted 12 seconds or thereabouts.. not too bad.

In only 3 hours and 58... nay, 57 minutes Jan will be over. Yes, over.

If you wonder what I'm talking about or know what I'm talking about but note that I've barely mentioned the anti Jan campaign over the last month (which as it happens has been Jan) well it's because it didn't occur to me that often tbph... (to be perfectly honest that is).. but I still want to see the ole inaugural month of the year out in the what must be by now a traditional manner.

So JMG.. and it will G in exactly 3 hours 55 now.

And tbph it hasn't been all that bad this month really.. just typical post holiday winding down.. business picked up a bit, got a bit stressed with training for this tour job but then I went well... pretty much graduated (if you can call it that) first in my group.. not bragging or anything so obvs I got the job...

will be doing a bit more training (this is not shitty tour folks) and some time in Feb might start doing real life tours for actual people, so that's something to.. um.. look forward to.

Didn't return to the Meisner class.. am taking the semester off, for the mo, mostly because I just couldn't afford it but it turned out to be just as well because the training was pretty intensive.. and otherwise.. well.. the usual.

Anyway.. I'm going to go with the fact that Jan sucks regardless, because that creates something to celebrate.. so for one last time..

JMG!

3:52 :)

All that fuss for this?

So it's done, we're here and we are now living in 2011. Awesome. Yeah, but one thing that I completely overlooked, during all those festivities and the big celebration that commemorated the coming o the new year was that not only does it bring us a fresh shiny new big number at the last bit of the date for the next 12 months, it also brings us Jan.

Yeah, January. Brilliant. For another 30 days 4 hours and 22 minutes they expect us to just shut up and put up with it. Fuckers. Well I for one will not take this lying down, I intend to fight it all the way!

JMG!

Well..

It seems as though someone has a case of blogger's block. Is it a Jan thing? I have a vague feeling that I go through this every year this time, not that I don't for small periods at any time, but always at the beginning of the year.

It's based on nothing but a feeling, and I could be wrong, and I can't be bothered to look it up but in any case it's happening right now.

JMG!

And here we are again.

Well, I got the comp working again. I got the shell fitted with the very same hard drive it used to hard drive it used to have. So after deleting a bunch of stuff I had to try in vain to get whatever of the left I could on a memory stick and have no room to store anything it's been returned to where it was and I'm in exactly the same position I was in December with a computer with Linux that I can't connect to the internet and can't get any programs working properly.

Ok so I can store all my photos again and free up space on my memory cards. That's a good thing. And I'm in good health and there aren't any major traumas going on at the mo, that's good too.

Having said that, it is that month. The one where you have the blahs and there's still not enough daylight and you're all partied out and have no money and it's freezing fucking cold but there's still no snow there's something called "icy rain" and the other comp the one that actually connects to the internet is getting worse every day and you're back to work or if you didn't work before now going to work... ok, I'm not doing that much work.

Well it's not that bad, it's just.. blah!

*waits for spring and stuff*

Blah..

The title there sums up, in one small word, pretty explicitly what I've been feeling for about.. oh, the last 14 days. About since January 1st.

Yes, that's exactly the date... hmmmm... it's that dratted Jan again. Fuck, no sooner do you get it over with then it's 11 months later and it's starting again.. no fair!

Ok, to calm down just a bit, I'm neither homeless, moving or living with someone who annoys me, I'm online, I have a camera and I'm not blocked out of my email or locked outside.. but.. but..

um..

it's fucking cold! It's cold fucking cold and really cold! Oh and I have no money but that's pretty much an all year thing rather than a Jan thing so..

oh I thought of some other things!

I haven't done the things I said I was going to do in January, and I can't be bothered to do them, meaning that I either won't do them and feel bad about it, or I have to get off my ass and do them, which I can't really be bothered to do.

No one's reading anymore. Ok, so some people are reading but there's no one commenting and it makes me feel unloved and ignored. *weeps*

It's cold. I think I said that already..

ok, ok.. well.. I'd say it's not so bad but we're only half way through the month so I shouldn't tempt fate, just take it as given that I'm grumbling non stop during this month (distinguishable from the rest of the year in that I don't give myself those 5 to 10 minute breaks that come around every week or so) whether I write it or not.

JMG!

Well, so much for the "global warming" thing...

NOT!

Sorry, thought it was the 90s there for a second. And before that I had a moment at being absolutely appalled at the liberal weirdos trying to control me by daring suggest that we treat the earth a bit more nicely.. I thought I really had them there... yeah not really, sorry it really annoys me when these dickheads who think it's a real "gotcha" moment when it's colder than usual and therefore global warming is obviously wrong, then again I get annoyed at people who think that unusually hot weather means it must be true.. so there you go.

To my point. It's FUCKING COLD! Brr I say! It's been fucking freezing since just before the new year, we're getting temperates below -10° regularly.. And it's probably not about to end.

I did get the snow I was pining for, it snowed a lot over the past few days, it's fair to say we got dumped on. It's very pretty. Well it was pretty but now it's turned to brown mush, but I still see it as beautiful because I'm an artist, I love the realness of the grey muck in the urban squalor. Cos I'm deep n stuff.

Of course, it snowed for a few days, which was pretty. But then it stopped, but remained really really cold. The forecast, which has been uncharacteristically accurate of late, says that the next week the weather is going to be clear, but really really cold. It's quite perfect because though it will be too cold for the snow to melt, it won't snow anymore, therefore creating the perfect conditions for the creation of smooth, clear ice everywhere that people walk.

My ass is hurting already. Blah.

Holds breath

10 hours and 2 minutes.

*takes quick breath, then holds it again*

I'll get there. I'll sit still, stay in and just wait it out. Nothing can happen now.... Wait.. I didn't say that.

10 hours and 1 minute now.. 601 minutes.

10 hours now.

I'm calm

So.. that seems to be wrapped up, I've moved out of the flat, had the final meeting with the landlord and it's all over with, I've got control of my email address and I'm in position of a camera.. my internet is even working and nothing else too traumatic seems to be going on. In fact, not much has been going on around here at all. Sure all the minor (for me) problems that are so ever present they don't even rate on the disaster scale anymore are buzzing in the background, but nothing worth mentioning is going on, so I won't mention anything.

I just have to hold my breath and do nothing for at least another 30 hours, hope that everything stays dull and eventless, because for me that's about the best it gets. For now anyway.

After that I might think about doing something. Something fun, or something useful. I'll think about it then, when I breathe again.

A bright new world is opening up..

I mean.. sorta. Not really. I'm just going to class again tonight after about a month's break. It's good to get back to the world of creativity which I've neglected.. apart from taking wonderful photos, and coming up with brilliant prose in the middle of the night that I failed to ever write down.. but I've been starved for the acting part, but tonight I'm back in it.

I'm not really looking forward to it, I have to say. I don't know why, I have a door that isn't half bad, pretty good by my standards, which admittedly isn't saying much, but it'll do. I don't have an activity but I'm not going to stress myself out about it, and it's not in the freezing cold, dark shed behind the veggie shop that it usually is, we have a special venue tonight as we're also hosting an interview with a major casting agent in Prague, another thing that could be quite positive.

So I don't really have any excuse to not want to go, it will probably be quite good. I'm probably just being lazy. Or it's because of January. I think that's it, it's all Jan's fault.

I feel empty

Stupid me woke up today feeling somewhat relieved, thinking that things might get better. The last few days have been rather awful. I was supposed to move yesterday, something I haven't been looking forward to. I told the landlord a month ago and said that a friend would probably take over the flat, and even though he decided not to, I haven't bothered to update the landlord on this. I also hadn't moved most of or hardly any of my stuff out, and a meeting in the morning with my future landlord after waking up feeling utterly shit, due to a night of partying in the "office" actually the flat I'm moving into, and discovering the devastation left by the partying, really didn't help.

But I got through it, met with both landlords, came to a reasonable agreement, and got this place (the aforementioned "office") cleaned up. So everything was cool.

This morning I woke up feeling somewhat relieved, thinking that things might actually get better. So I came in to work, (to the "office") and my friend and partner was in his room, slumbering away. Considering the scene I came across yesterday, this was positively favourable.

My feeling of serenity lasted a few hours, until the guy in the bedroom woke up and yelled some questions at me. First I discovered that his phone was gone, which is a pain but not such a big deal, and then he asked "do you have the camera?"

I didn't. I mean, I didn't take it with me last night, as I sometimes do. I looked around and it wasn't here. Neither the old olympus or the my new baby, the Fujifilm.

The details are pointless and uninteresting, and they don't change the fact that it's gone, gone and not coming back. My life is empty, nothing has any point anymore. Why oh why do these things happen to me?

I blame January.

Jan must go!

I don't much care for January. It sucks. It's cold, it's miserable, it's boring. It is pointless and unnecessary. It's also the month where I have shit I have to deal with that I wish was over already, and the month I have to wait out until I get to the next month where things are happening that I want to get to. And isn't the calendar way overdue for a revisal.. I mean it's been the way it is since the Romans were around, and that's like.. years ago..

Jan sucks. And I'm not gonna sit here and just moan about it, I'm gonna do something! What we need is to get loads of people together and form a anti January resistance. We'll all get together and march on.. whoever and rabble rouse and generally cause disturbances. We'll keep protesting and causing trouble and noise until January is damn well gone!

So who's in? You get a free beer..