I got nothin

Still not sure what's happening here. Coasting along quite comfortably in this domicile until, well that I don't know.

Things have slowed down. From what, I hear you shout, stuff, I say, stuff. I had a few things going on and a few things that looked like they would become things, and a thing that was a positive thing whether it turned out to be anything or not. Now the stuff seems to have stopped (maybe there will be stuff but at the moment I have nothing scheduled). Things that didn't turn into anything and the thing that was a positive thing whether it worked out or not, isn't really anything, turns out, I really wanted that thing.

But, there's always more out there, more opportunities, more small achievements and the tiny promise that one day there will be something bigger, that will inevitably not become anything but as long as I can delude myself that it might just one day work out I guess everything is tolerable.

And there are kitties, of course.

Everywhere, all the time.

I'm so tired of being reminded of all my failures. Failures, rejections, disappointments, all of it. It's just all always there. A place I have to look at, people I see who knows someone who knows this person, words, images, fucking Facebook!

If there were some triumphs to balance it out, it might be bearable, but triumph is something I cannot claim, not realistically. As far as stuff that works out sometimes, there's just not enough of it. Not enough to counter the negatives and not even enough to distract me from the fact that there's all this stuff out there, that I tried and failed at. Or never got the chance to try.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it always being like this, and the only change is more cringeworthy unpleasant memories to add to the long long list of stuff I'd like to avoid for the rest of my life but staying out of the world (easy enough) avoiding nearly everyone I've ever met (also surprisingly doable) and staying off the internet (eeek) is just not possible.

At least there's kitties, riotous crazy kitties in this crazy cat house. They're very distracting, in fact I'm not even thinking about the other thing that has me so worried, whatever it is.

And with barely a minute left to go...

A while ago I put together a system which I sometimes refer to as "dorkism", and other times "days o' the week" er.. thingy. Anyway, it's where I have a thing to do for every day of the week and on Thursday it's beseeching you to caption a photo. Well, no one ever captions the photos I leave, but I'm going to do it anyway, even though Thursday is rapidly running out. Here it is.